It Was Better When I Was Naive
Okay, so I'm moving on from my Oz-themed blogs to something completely different.
It was better when I was naive.
You see, for me, blogs weren't something I read very often, if at all. In fact, until I started mine way at the end of last summer, I thought blogs were for parents who liked to post pictures of their kids, or else really anal people who liked to tell their families and friends what they ate for breakfast each day. I read a political blog or two. But other than that, I didn't give them much thought.
Then, because I do like varying outlets for my creativity, when I got a major website update, I was asked by my web guy if I wanted a blog and I said sure. But even then, I didn't actually WRITE in it. But when I was in high school and college, I kept a journal, and I did find the habit of daily writing was a good one. Now . . . I usually write in my blog twice a week at least, and if you look at the list at right, those are blogs of online pals or people whose blogs I respect and I visit them with regularity while drinking my first of many cups of coffee. Blogs can be addictive.
But the real reason for my title is only recently, and I mean REALLY recently (last month) have I seen certain writers use their blogs as weapons. And it disgusts me. It was like this whole world of attack-blogging was revealed to me. I have seen thinly veiled PERSONAL snark attacks (or not so thinly veiled in one case). I don't mean Miss Snark, I mean one writer just attacking another. I have seen people tear into a statement or two taken out of context, with the viciousness of a pit bull. I have seen one woman who has climbed so high on her soapbox that frankly, despite my spiritual beliefs, it's going to be somewhat amusing to watch her fall.
I have seen some good. Julie Leto has warned newbies of some people who prey on writers in scams. Some bloggers have been supportive of newbies. J.A. Konrath comes to mind, of course. Heck, he even has the word Newbie in the name of his blog.
But for some, blogs seem to be about a power trip. One that comes to mind was so misinformed as to be laughable. And it wouldn't be so bad if people didn't BELIEVE what was written, but like my late grandmother, Fannie (and yes, that was her name!), an Old World (Russian) woman who faithfully read The Enquirer each week, along with The Star, she believed if it was written about in the "American Press" it had to be true . . . some people seem to think by virtue of things being written, they must be true.
So in a way, it was better for me when I really didn't know this blog game. When I didn't see lies written about other authors, editors, agents. When I didn't see people slicing each other down instead of building each other up. No, I am not a product of the 60s with rose-colored glasses thinking we can all make the world a better place (though wouldn't that be nice). I'm younger than that . . . but I still am from the if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all school.
So if you have a blog, wield it well.
Anyone? Seen some blog fights get out of hand?
It was better when I was naive.
You see, for me, blogs weren't something I read very often, if at all. In fact, until I started mine way at the end of last summer, I thought blogs were for parents who liked to post pictures of their kids, or else really anal people who liked to tell their families and friends what they ate for breakfast each day. I read a political blog or two. But other than that, I didn't give them much thought.
Then, because I do like varying outlets for my creativity, when I got a major website update, I was asked by my web guy if I wanted a blog and I said sure. But even then, I didn't actually WRITE in it. But when I was in high school and college, I kept a journal, and I did find the habit of daily writing was a good one. Now . . . I usually write in my blog twice a week at least, and if you look at the list at right, those are blogs of online pals or people whose blogs I respect and I visit them with regularity while drinking my first of many cups of coffee. Blogs can be addictive.
But the real reason for my title is only recently, and I mean REALLY recently (last month) have I seen certain writers use their blogs as weapons. And it disgusts me. It was like this whole world of attack-blogging was revealed to me. I have seen thinly veiled PERSONAL snark attacks (or not so thinly veiled in one case). I don't mean Miss Snark, I mean one writer just attacking another. I have seen people tear into a statement or two taken out of context, with the viciousness of a pit bull. I have seen one woman who has climbed so high on her soapbox that frankly, despite my spiritual beliefs, it's going to be somewhat amusing to watch her fall.
I have seen some good. Julie Leto has warned newbies of some people who prey on writers in scams. Some bloggers have been supportive of newbies. J.A. Konrath comes to mind, of course. Heck, he even has the word Newbie in the name of his blog.
But for some, blogs seem to be about a power trip. One that comes to mind was so misinformed as to be laughable. And it wouldn't be so bad if people didn't BELIEVE what was written, but like my late grandmother, Fannie (and yes, that was her name!), an Old World (Russian) woman who faithfully read The Enquirer each week, along with The Star, she believed if it was written about in the "American Press" it had to be true . . . some people seem to think by virtue of things being written, they must be true.
So in a way, it was better for me when I really didn't know this blog game. When I didn't see lies written about other authors, editors, agents. When I didn't see people slicing each other down instead of building each other up. No, I am not a product of the 60s with rose-colored glasses thinking we can all make the world a better place (though wouldn't that be nice). I'm younger than that . . . but I still am from the if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all school.
So if you have a blog, wield it well.
Anyone? Seen some blog fights get out of hand?
posted by Erica Orloff at 7:44 AM
23 Comments:
Oh, yes. I've seen them. I've been involved...for my stance that we SHOULDN'T rip each other apart on blogs, which to some, means we're not allowed free expression. Well, pffft to that. I would never attack another author...unless, of course, they started it. I am, after all, mostly Italian.
In one of my blogs, I complained about something an author had done and said on a public message board that I thought was a good example of how NOT to act. I did NOT mention this author's name or give any indication of where my readers could find out where this person was. HOWEVER, the author came to my blog and outed herself, then complained I was attacking her!
Hello? Clue alert?
Anyway, I do get riled up on my blog, but I try to never make it a personal attack. It's stupid.
Hi Julie:
I actually saw the incident you mention ripple through multiple blogs. You know, if there's one thing I try to be, it's gracious. In general, even if in my opinion something is the worst piece of drivel ever written, I must and WILL find something positive to say because as a fellow artist/writer, I salute the effort, even if it's not my taste. But what happened in that case, and in the one I was actually thinking of when I wrote this, is the attacks somehow went on to have a personal air to them. As if somehow the person KNEW the author of the book she disliked didn't even try to write a decent book or that the author in question (in the case I was thinking of it was ME) somehow got her deals because though talented, she was good drinking buddies with her editor. And while yes, I toss martinis back with mine, that's always been in celebration OF the deal.
The thing is, with Miss Snark or the Evil Editor, you know when you visit what you're getting. That's their schtick. But I agree . . . ripping in personal attacks because you happen to have a book deal (or not) and a public blog forum is just bad form.
I blogged here once before . . . there is a woman, unpubbed, who has a chick lit reviewing site, and THREE YEARS AGO made a personal attack on me though she didn't know me. Her review was so personal, in fact, it felt like slander. But years go by, you forget. But then lo and behold, this woman went to the trouble of RE-POSTING her reviews on Amazon and B&N and elsewhere, YEARS after the fact. I don't even know if the book is in print. Does she have nothing BETTER to do? In one case, at Amazon, I had nine or ten four- and five-star reviews and a nice review from Booklist, and she wrote "I CAN'T BELIEVE PEOPLE LOVE THIS BOOK!" in outrage. Why? Because the world doesn't share your lofty opinion? I don't know. The internet makes for some strange behavior!
E
OMG, I have had a problem with a blog author, I even mention it on my blog. I never tear into a person or mention names and very few knew who this person was.
I totally agree with sitting back and watch a person fall. I keep mostly to myself and I don't bother anyone, I don't get why I'm an easy target. I do get very angry at some of the attacks that I have received.
Lisa:
You know, I've gotten some private emails since I posted this entry this morning, and two names in the industry (authors) came up from multiple people who have no knowledge of each other (i.e., totally different circles). One was the person I was thinking of. It's funny . . . why oh why do people have to be mean? It goes to my other rather silly question I often pose. Are divas BORN or MADE? I hear stories of some diva authors . . . and I wonder. Are they divas because they have had book success? Or divas because they have always been the bully girls from junior high and now have a bigger, more successful forum in which to continue their bullying ways?
Anyway, I am sorry you have ever been made to feel badly, but like I blogged about in an old entry, "The Buddhist Writer," just keep doing what you are doing and don't worry too much what others say or do. :-)
Peace,
E
I think intelligent, thoughtful debates are interesting, even fun. I met a lovely, gracious and talented friend a while back when the two of us had a little debate about critique groups. :)
Personal attacks, however, are a different story. We should stick together as authors, and support each other. Better to leave the mudslinging to the politicians who have nothing better to do.
Erica: If you ever figure out the answer to your Diva question I hope you share it. I wonder if we are talking about the same person? (Probably never know)
Jude:
I wonder who that person was! ;-) Actually, Jude, when I disagreed with you, I had this knot in my stomach. I knew I was being polite, but I wondered if I was going to get flamed by you. And instead, you've turned out to be my wonderful online pal.
E
Lisa:
There are so many divas to go around, my guess is maybe, but maybe not. Trust me, there are a lot of them. :-)
E
{{{Erica}}}
I love this post of yours. It really encapsulates the use of technology for evil and for good. Blogs are another avenue for slander and other malfeasance because it can afford annonymity, just like so many tools that the Internet gives us. For my part, I never, ever get personal on my blog, don't post info on my family, and I try never to give people a reason for attack. But you know, some people are just made that way. Post something even mildly controversial and they think it's an invitation for nastiness.
I feel for you! I too think it was better when I was a Blogging Virgin.
Hi Karm:
Actually, I was not the recipient of any "direct hit" blog attack. It's more visiting the occasional blog link, and following links, and sort of seeing these fights and snit-fits and so on. Very junior high. Like why can't people defend their opinions without it being all so ugly?
E
Karm most people do not need a reason to attack. But only to make themselves bigger and better to them.
Erica, I think divas are born. I say this because I've met just as many divas who were unpublished as those who were. It's not the deal that does it. It's a sense of entitlement and an overactive self-confidence gland. Most of the divas I've dealt with have been unpublished, to be honest. Like the one who wrote in his blog (yes, his...I guess he's a divO) that if "this trash can be published, then so can mine someday." Of course, he was talking about my book. With my name and title. Nice.
He didn't say why it was trash...no explanation, just the dig. I bet it was the sex.
Julie:
I agree. I don't think I've changed one bit since I got published. And the people I've met who've been divas (and div-Os) just struck me as difficult in all facets of their lives. One author I am thinking of is so pretentious it extends to an "affect" in how she makes her facial expressions and her accent when she speaks . . . it's all very "put-on"--but I know she's apparently been like that for years. (Sort of like Madonna adopting a faux-British accent.) And then there are really, really nice authors and writers who just are fun to hang out with, talk writing with, share a drink with, blog with, whatever.
E
Blogs are the equalizer.
They give anyone the ability to be heard and seen, by everyone.
However, just like every other facet of life, there are those that abuse the system and their power.
Remember when usenet was, well, useable?
Remember email before spam? Before phishing?
It is a shame that some people feel the need to be mean/rude/whatever, but it really is their choice. If it comes to libel or slander, sure you can do something about it. Otherwise, as much as it is distasteful and hard to swallow at times, people are really allowed to voice their opinions.
Where I strive to view these types of people and situations from is here: it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
Sure thing some naive or misled people will listen to the fools. So what. If it really mattered to them, they would try to find out the truth on their own.
Somedays all you can do is to take the high-road and tell yourself that in matters of principle you are the winner.
Just my $.02, for whatever it may be worth :)
Thanks for adding a link to my blog Erica... now I shall have to keep it up to date... drat.
Excellent post, Erica! I think we've all seen some nastiness out there. The important thing is to try to avoid it (as challenging as that can be) and to send positive energy into the world. It's difficult, yes. And sometimes we're backed into a corner (goddess knows I've been there), but in the end, I think the positive route is best.
As for divas, I think it's a combination of the two: they are both made and born. And then there are the people misinterpreted to be divas. Me, I've always been like this. Diva? Nah. It's high self esteem. ;)
By the by, I LOVE the whole Wizard of Oz theme you had going! Faboo. Truly.
Ewoh:
Yes, I agree. Your post was so well thought-out. In general, I totally agree. I NEVER jump into the fray, that I can recall. I just don't need a knot in my stomach. Once in a very blue moon, I will post something in response to a "ranter"--but I always make sure I read what I've written a bunch of times to ensure I am not letting my emotions get the best of me.
And you're correct. I have to give a shout-out to a friend--she knows who she is--who once heard this really ridiculous story about me, and had the decency to phone me and say, "Hey, you're not going to believe this wild rumor . . . what's the real skinny?" Classy people will search for the truth.
Another point, look at how we are as a society . . . have you ever seen a time when GOSSIP, pure and simple, just GOSSIP was like headline news? You ever read the crawls on CNN or something? The anchor will be discussing death tolls and the crawl is reading "PARIS HILTON AND STAVROS ARE BROKEN UP." It's hilarious and sic at the same time! Some blogs just feed into that kind of mentality.
E
Heather:
Yes. Leaving the topic of writing for a moment and just discussing human nature . . . there are people who just don't come across well to the rest of the world but once you scratch the surface? Not a diva . . . just shy or intense or super-smart or socially awkward or whatever. I dress in black from head to toe every day. Drives my kids nuts. Puts some people off. My daughter asked me why I do that, and it honestly is three-fold. One, I hate thinking about matching. So . . . black shirt, black pants. Done! Two, I hate shopping. Order black shirt, black pants from online store. Done! Three . . . when I wear bright colors, I feel like I am a walking human traffic cone or something. I hate being looked at. I feel less . . . looked at when I wear black. I am SURE some people think of me as odd, or diva-ish--just purely on appearance. But it has nothing to do with my inherent compassion or who I am as a person, etc. Just my own individual oddity. LOL!
E
"...walking human traffic cone...."
LOL, Erica. I can relate. When I'm out in public, I usually just want to be invisible. I used to play in bands, and enjoyed being watched and listened to, but there was always that distance between the audience and the stage, you know? Hard to explain if you've never been there. I don't know how I'll handle public appearances when I get published. I guess I'll suffer through it, but I don't think I could ever be a natural at it. I better write an excellent book, because I don't think I'll sell many copies with my sparkling personality.
Jude:
Well . . . count me in for one of your books, sparkling wit or not. :-)
E
A free copy and a big hug for you, my dear.
Anyway, you'll be broke after I clean you out at the poker table. :)
Hey Erica! Great post.
Thankfully I've never been involved in what I call e-brawls.
BUT I did crack up at that one between MaryJanice Davidson and a reader/reviewer a while back on Romancing The Blog. It's not that I took delight in the conflict, it's just MJD's answers cracked me up.
:) d
Erica, we can share clothes--I'm the same way :) (well, I am trying to branch out into deep reds...occasionally) But black is just so ME...I feel like someone else when I stray too far from the usual.
There was a great quote on Danny Phantom a while back (and no, I'm not one bit ashamed that I watch cartoons--hee!). It was when Circus Gothica came to town. The leader was talking to all the goths and said, "Show your true colors! And by true colors, I mean all black!" :) I can totally relate.
Heather:
LOVE that quote!
;-)
E
P.S. AND, I willa dd I am the HAPPIEST person I know, so it doesn't have to do with some macabre instinct.
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