Strange Love
I recently recommended the quirky movie WONDER BOYS (directed by Curtis Hanson) to a friend of mine. Along with that movie, I recommended Wes Anderson's RUSHMORE. Then I started thinking about some of my most favorite movies (LOST IN TRANSLATION, MY FIRST MISTER) . . . and I realized at their heart, they are about Strange Love.
In the romance biz, they talk of HEA (Happily Ever Afters). I don't do the HEA all that much--not in the conventional boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy wins back girl, HEA (or some variation). Instead, I wrote SPANISH DISCO first, a book of Strange Love. Quirky Love. Not the kind of love that you stick on a Hallmark card.
In my Billie Quinn books, Lewis loves a NUN! In Diary of a Blues Goddess . . . Georgia's best friend leaves town a man and comes back a woman.
So you can bet, when I go through my fan mail each week, I don't have a lot of traditional readers. Not usually. Because I tend not to write the more typical hero (I've had the hero in a wheelchair; the hero as penniless bluesman; the hero as gay novelist). And the not-so-typical heroine (four-times married diva; bitchy pill-popping editor; abused witness to the mob). Their love stories aren't simple. Sometimes they're not even pretty. Sometimes fate plays a trick on them, and their soul mate is gay (Do They Wear High Heels in Heaven).
So I thought about it. And I decided the reason I write about Strange Love is twofold. One, real life is messy. Forget intelligent design when it comes to love. It's messy and complicated. You meet the right person but at the wrong time. You find your soul mate, but he's an ocean away in a city you have no intention of moving to--and couldn't even if you wanted because it's war-torn or you can't get a visa. Your lover can't perform because he has no penis or he's gay or he's . . . whatever! Which leads me to two. My belief that even when the fates play a trick, Strange Love can be Big Love. It can be The One. From the first time you lay your eyes upon your Strange Love, you can know.
Some people speak of that "still small voice" that is God. Strange Love is kind of like that. You just know this thing that is inherently unknowable. That this Strange Love may never have a conventional HEA. But it has the power to transform you. And it may not ever be able to be in that conventional sense, but it will fill your soul in ways you can't quite understand.
So for some, that thought is depressing. If you find your One, shouldn't you be able to overcome all obstacles and be together? But Strange Love isn't that way. It's looking at the obstacles and realizing that some things like being gay or being in a wheelchair . . . or dying . . . can't really be overcome in the traditional sense. But if you accept the strangeness, you can come to a place--a MESSY place, an untidy place--where Strange Love can live in your life and you can feel your heart rest for a bit. You can feel safe. You can know you're home.
So anyone have any Strange Loves in their lives? In their wips? In favorite movies?
Peace.
In the romance biz, they talk of HEA (Happily Ever Afters). I don't do the HEA all that much--not in the conventional boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy wins back girl, HEA (or some variation). Instead, I wrote SPANISH DISCO first, a book of Strange Love. Quirky Love. Not the kind of love that you stick on a Hallmark card.
In my Billie Quinn books, Lewis loves a NUN! In Diary of a Blues Goddess . . . Georgia's best friend leaves town a man and comes back a woman.
So you can bet, when I go through my fan mail each week, I don't have a lot of traditional readers. Not usually. Because I tend not to write the more typical hero (I've had the hero in a wheelchair; the hero as penniless bluesman; the hero as gay novelist). And the not-so-typical heroine (four-times married diva; bitchy pill-popping editor; abused witness to the mob). Their love stories aren't simple. Sometimes they're not even pretty. Sometimes fate plays a trick on them, and their soul mate is gay (Do They Wear High Heels in Heaven).
So I thought about it. And I decided the reason I write about Strange Love is twofold. One, real life is messy. Forget intelligent design when it comes to love. It's messy and complicated. You meet the right person but at the wrong time. You find your soul mate, but he's an ocean away in a city you have no intention of moving to--and couldn't even if you wanted because it's war-torn or you can't get a visa. Your lover can't perform because he has no penis or he's gay or he's . . . whatever! Which leads me to two. My belief that even when the fates play a trick, Strange Love can be Big Love. It can be The One. From the first time you lay your eyes upon your Strange Love, you can know.
Some people speak of that "still small voice" that is God. Strange Love is kind of like that. You just know this thing that is inherently unknowable. That this Strange Love may never have a conventional HEA. But it has the power to transform you. And it may not ever be able to be in that conventional sense, but it will fill your soul in ways you can't quite understand.
So for some, that thought is depressing. If you find your One, shouldn't you be able to overcome all obstacles and be together? But Strange Love isn't that way. It's looking at the obstacles and realizing that some things like being gay or being in a wheelchair . . . or dying . . . can't really be overcome in the traditional sense. But if you accept the strangeness, you can come to a place--a MESSY place, an untidy place--where Strange Love can live in your life and you can feel your heart rest for a bit. You can feel safe. You can know you're home.
So anyone have any Strange Loves in their lives? In their wips? In favorite movies?
Peace.
posted by Erica Orloff at 6:24 AM
8 Comments:
Hi Erica:
Gee. In my experience, love is always a bit strange, and always difficult to define. I'm not sure if I believe in The One, really, like you see in books and movies. I think we all probably have dozens of soul mates who happen to be walking the earth at the same time we are, and occasionally we cross each other's paths and, if we're very lucky, everything falls into place where we can be with that person. I think it's probably a rare thing. That's why the divorce rate is so high. People end up settling for someone other than a soul mate for one reason or another, and then they either resign to be less than happy or they find a way--very often a painful way--to part with that person they settled for.
Personally, I've decided to never again settle for anything less than a soul mate. I've learned, through much grief, that it's just not worth it. I would rather spend the rest of my life alone than in a bad relationship.
In my wip, my protag and his love interest are having a tough time of it. She wants more commitment than he's ready for, so there's conflict there. I'm not sure yet what's going to happen, but I have faith that my characters will let me know. :)
Jude:
I agree . . . I think there isn't necessarily THE One. More like A One (and I don't mean the steak sauce--GROAN!). I guess when I was younger, I always adored Hemingway's works--particularly The Sun Also Rises. His books were so often about that star-crossed love.
E
I know a few people who seem to deliberately make their lives messy by believing a soul mate should be a flawless match. They flee at the first sign of differences. Compromise is not the same as settling.
I'm not convinced I believe in THE One either, yet it seems to be a theme that creeps into a lot of stuff I write. The desire to believe I suppose.
My grandfather was a farm hand for my g-mothers parents in Scotland. He fought in the 1st WW, came back wounded and she nursed him. Her family fell on hard times and shipped her to Canada to be an au pare. They met in Drumheller Alberta 3 yrs later. He was 34, she 16. They married in a matter of weeks. Had 4 children and were together 56 yrs. Although she had no health problems and was considerably younger than him, she passed away weeks after he did.
(sorry for hoggin' the blog, but this, IMO is a definite case of soul mates)
Lainey:
Oh, I agree. Compromise is essential in any relationship, even one between soul mates.
I think too many people jump into marriage for the wrong reasons, though. Then, when the initial romance wears off, they're stuck with someone they really don't even know.
Erica:
I love the concept of "A One."
And, btw, I love A-1. :)
lainey:
Good point. Harville Hendrix (nonfiction) writes about that a lot.
I think I write more abotu strange love more than about big love--or the one. I think my characters are realisitic in that sense.
E
P.S. Love your grandparents' story!
I would say that, for the person that finds "A One" that it probably looks exactly like "The One". In the end does it really matter?
Happiness is truly where you find it, or create it.
In my WIP, my MC is a one-legged convicted thief who falls in love with a thousand year old blind witch. I'd call that one a Strange Love.
Ewoh:
That may take--at least for this blog--the Strangest Love Award.
E
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