Cringe-worthy
I once went to a conference. A very well-known editor and I (she isn't my editor . . . we just happened to be seated together) were chatting over dinner (an overdone piece of salmon, but . . . dinner nonetheless). And a woman came up, bubbling with enthusiasm. Apparently, the editor had told her during a pitch session that yes, indeed, this writer could send three chapters and a synopsis for the editor to read. And the woman came up to us--we were clearly in mid-conversation and mid-meal--and said to the editor, "I am SO excited you've agreed to read my chapters." The editor smiled. Then the woman said,"Would you stand up over here so my friend can take a picture of us together?" The editor was gracious, though I saw her expression freeze. She accommodated the woman, who acted as if she had just signed a million-dollar contract, just fluttering about, and then monopolized the editor's time for ten more minutes until said editor's dinner was cold.
I wanted a hole the size of CLEVELAND to open up in the floor and to climb down into it.
It wasn't that I had done anything mortifying. I was just so utterly mortified for this woman that I was uncomfortable. It was THAT cringe-worthy. I still, sitting here, swear to you my palms are sweaty writing about this. And it's not just because I quit coffee today (yes, I did it! LOVED the acupuncturist . . . so far, so good).
I thank my lucky stars that my parents hammered home some basics to me when I was a kid. Firm handshake, not like a limp fish. Dress professionally. Speak up. Look people in the eye. All that basic, basic stuff. When I was nine and had to give firm handshakes to adults I met, I didn't love it. But now, honestly, there is no social situation--or very few of them--that I can't handle. My parents took me to nice restaurants--and made sure I knew which fork to use when! I learned to make adult conversation. I was well-read. Sometimes, I take all that stuff for granted. But not when I see cringe-worthy moments like the above.
Being an author or a writer affords you a degree of freedom most people only dream of. Making your own hours . . . writing in a bathrobe if you want . . . you can roll out of bed and write with crazy hair or get up at three a.m. if that's when the muse strikes. But don't forget professionalism out in the world beyond your laptop. Don't forget professionalism when you go out there to meet agents and editors. Don't forget it at conferences. Or signings.
And while you're at it . . . the same thing with gimmicky queries and tactics. I somehow got on some guy's SPAM list a few months ago. An unagented writer who wanted an agent and had been turned down by 120 of them (all by mistake, he assured his SPAM list). So he had posted the first chapter of his book on a blog and urged everyone who he spammed to click on a link to a certain agent he was targeting--a big name--to tell him you had read the chapter online and just were DYING to know when this amazing novel would be in bookstores. I mean, have you ever? Did this guy (who wrote an erotic novel bordering, in this case, on porn) really think the agent would rush out to sign said porn novel via SPAMMING?
People do cringe-worthy things. Desperate people often do even MORE cringe-worthy things.
Bring your best game to the arena. Be professional. Any other professionalism tips?
I wanted a hole the size of CLEVELAND to open up in the floor and to climb down into it.
It wasn't that I had done anything mortifying. I was just so utterly mortified for this woman that I was uncomfortable. It was THAT cringe-worthy. I still, sitting here, swear to you my palms are sweaty writing about this. And it's not just because I quit coffee today (yes, I did it! LOVED the acupuncturist . . . so far, so good).
I thank my lucky stars that my parents hammered home some basics to me when I was a kid. Firm handshake, not like a limp fish. Dress professionally. Speak up. Look people in the eye. All that basic, basic stuff. When I was nine and had to give firm handshakes to adults I met, I didn't love it. But now, honestly, there is no social situation--or very few of them--that I can't handle. My parents took me to nice restaurants--and made sure I knew which fork to use when! I learned to make adult conversation. I was well-read. Sometimes, I take all that stuff for granted. But not when I see cringe-worthy moments like the above.
Being an author or a writer affords you a degree of freedom most people only dream of. Making your own hours . . . writing in a bathrobe if you want . . . you can roll out of bed and write with crazy hair or get up at three a.m. if that's when the muse strikes. But don't forget professionalism out in the world beyond your laptop. Don't forget professionalism when you go out there to meet agents and editors. Don't forget it at conferences. Or signings.
And while you're at it . . . the same thing with gimmicky queries and tactics. I somehow got on some guy's SPAM list a few months ago. An unagented writer who wanted an agent and had been turned down by 120 of them (all by mistake, he assured his SPAM list). So he had posted the first chapter of his book on a blog and urged everyone who he spammed to click on a link to a certain agent he was targeting--a big name--to tell him you had read the chapter online and just were DYING to know when this amazing novel would be in bookstores. I mean, have you ever? Did this guy (who wrote an erotic novel bordering, in this case, on porn) really think the agent would rush out to sign said porn novel via SPAMMING?
People do cringe-worthy things. Desperate people often do even MORE cringe-worthy things.
Bring your best game to the arena. Be professional. Any other professionalism tips?
posted by Erica Orloff at 9:36 AM
14 Comments:
Don't be an attention whore.
And for goodness sake, don't bitch about people in publishing, be they editors/agents/other authors, except to your best friend who can keep their mouth shut. Jordan Summers just posted about that.
May:
Couldn't agree more! If only because, like a marriage, it's very hard to judge an agent or editor or author by only a one-sided story. I have met an editor or two that I know I would have a difficult time working with--doesn't make them a bad editor . . . just means my personality is X and they are Y. And I find some people pontificate or slam people with really vile or vicious statements designed to cause controversy on blogs. I suppose there is something to bad vibes drawing people to your blog or controversy or whatever. But not my style, definitely.
E
Put yourself in their shoes. Editors and agents don't come to conferences to slam every writer who comes up to them; nor are they there to buy everyone. And guess what, none of us are entitled to be published.
And finally, agents and editors are people. They're not celebrities, monsters or gods.
Mary
Umm, Mary, celebrities are people too. And for that reason, I wouldn't 'stalk' an actor/musician/author OR editor in any forum that was not deliberately set for public access ie: pitch session, autograph or book signing etc.
People--most likely the type who would carry out the 1st scenario Erica described-- might mistakenly consider me timid. I am that rare individual who longs to remain courteous, an uncommon trait, as courtesy is less and less common everywhere these days.
If you read this and hang the timid label on me, that's okay too. As far as getting in someone's face goes, I'd much sooner ere on the side of caution. Timid I could wear comfortably--rude, overbearing and pushy, I couldn't.
When I said that editors are not celebrities, I didn't mean to say that celebrities are human targets. But let's face it, people feel a certain freedom in approaching them - or staring at them as they mind their own business.
Like you, I would never walk up to someone famous while they were eating lunch and ask for his or her autograph. When I lived in L.A. I saw several. But I once made eye contact with Tyra Banks and told her that I enjoyed her TV show.
Mary
Mary:
Good advice. I like "none are entitled to be published." It is very hard to stay upbeat--for anyone in this business--rejection after rejection. It sucks--and no "spin" on it can make it any better. But people who bash other writers, "How did SHE ever get published? How did THIS CRAP ever get an agent?" is just unwarranted.
E
Lainey:
It's just good manners, plain and simple. After all these years, Mom was right after all. :-)
E
Mary:
My daughter met Adam Sandler at dinner one time. He was without a doubt probably the kindest man EVER (I am now a fan because of how gracious he was). His dinner was interrupted easily about 40 times. My own DAUGHTER went up to him and took her photo with him. I was like, "Leave the poor man alone." She was saying, "But he was so NICE, he didn't mind." And in my head I was thinking, "Lovely man to be so nice to starstruck teens, but he can't have LIKED not getting to finish his dinner for all the gawkers." Privacy is something you give up with celebrity. And some celebrities seems to have an illness about craving the spotlight. (Britney Spears--PLEADS for her privacy, then goes on four TV shows and blabs her mouth off to People and everyone else. Just SHUT UP and people might leave you alone.)
E
I'm a firm believer in the 'do unto others' philosophy. That and good manners. They were drummed into me as a child, and I've done the same with my children. And you know what, I couldn't begin to tell you how often it's commented on. Even by my son's teachers.... and he is probably the most non-conforming boy in the school - he even thanks them for a detention!
Sara:
Mine, too. Though my teen is snotty. And she knows it, so it doesn't matter that it's on my blog. ;-)
E
Erica, sheesh, that story made my palms sweat! Can imagine how you wished the hole would swallow you. lol. All good comments. Just be real, play nice, if you have nothing good to say in public, keep quiet. I'm always amazed at the bad-mouthing going on in bars at those conferences. I mean, duh, that person could be sitting right behind you. Besides, what's the point. I never understand the bringing someone else down, to make a person feel good. I'd feel crappy. More important things to do IMO.
ladonna:
People who regularly read this blog know I went to a conference last year and met a very beautiful writer with a very hot book out right now, and she said some lovely things to me--to my face. I made polite, gracious conversation and that was that. Or so I thought. I returned from the conference and was told later that she said some utterly horrible things about me--things that weren't true. And I was so bewildered. What an energy-sucking cretin . . . why? I cannot for the life of me figure it out, but then I saw a lot of gossiping there. That's a no-no in my book. I will always pass along trade information and rumors--hey, this line is hot; this editor might be looking for a book like yours . . . but raising myself up by putting others down? No. And . . . of course . . . karma's a bitch.
E
Erica, you're right. I believe what goes out, comes back in spades. Also, what a horrible gal, saying those things. Ever figure the mystery out? Does she write for same publisher, maybe the jealousy factor?
Hi ladonna:
Never did. :-) And probably isn't worth the energy trying to figure it out. I think a tiny postion of it--or perhaps all of it--is she has a blog in which she makes a lot of pronouncements about the industry, as if any of us REALLY know when or if chick lit will be dead, when or if the current paranormal craze in romance will end, why marketing for a certain book or line is doomed to fail. None of us know. It's a crapshoot. We can make educated guesses and hunches, but that's about it. I think people who have an authoritative tone like that--who are inflexible or who say they KNOW . . . tend to make those kinds of snap judgments of others, perhaps. And people who generally have that voice of doom or lack of encouraging tone . . . probably carry it through to all aspects of their lives. My thing has always been to send around good, to try to be helpful . . .
E
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