"How Nice . . . "
I once dated and considered marrying a man who thought my writing was a hobby. The best he could muster was, "Hmm . . . this is . . . nice." I was in my early twenties, and "nice" wasn't the answer I was looking for. So, though wedding bells were considered the next step . . . we were doomed! (And I can now say in hindsight, thank the friggin' gods!)
However, I have to say that the people in my life fall into two camps. Those who really "get" where I'm coming from as a writer (i.e., they are writers themselves are in the arts) . . . and those who pat me on the head and say it's "nice."
I don't think I could ever live with another writer. The one time I had a very intense creative boyfriend . . . DOOMED! There was a competitive edge between us. Where I had visions of reading aloud to one another on the porch listening to the rain on the roof, it was really far more complicated.
So it got me thinking . . . what is the relationship of your writing to the rest of your world? Is it intrusive, like another lover? Or is it something shared? Is it something they don't get? A competitive thing? Part of me really, really longs for someone in my real (non-cyber) life to get this thing, this monkey on my back that is writing. Support is one thing. I can receive encouragement or support. But GETTING it in the way it's under my skin. I don't have that in my immediate circle.
And you all?
However, I have to say that the people in my life fall into two camps. Those who really "get" where I'm coming from as a writer (i.e., they are writers themselves are in the arts) . . . and those who pat me on the head and say it's "nice."
I don't think I could ever live with another writer. The one time I had a very intense creative boyfriend . . . DOOMED! There was a competitive edge between us. Where I had visions of reading aloud to one another on the porch listening to the rain on the roof, it was really far more complicated.
So it got me thinking . . . what is the relationship of your writing to the rest of your world? Is it intrusive, like another lover? Or is it something shared? Is it something they don't get? A competitive thing? Part of me really, really longs for someone in my real (non-cyber) life to get this thing, this monkey on my back that is writing. Support is one thing. I can receive encouragement or support. But GETTING it in the way it's under my skin. I don't have that in my immediate circle.
And you all?
posted by Erica Orloff at 8:04 PM
14 Comments:
My wife is a writer, but not the kind of writer you are talking about. She does business writing and report writing. Having her read my fiction is a lot like the 'that's nice' response that you are talking about. I think she gets it, but not at the level you are talking about.
None of my local circle are writers. None of them get it either, and I have known some of them for over 20 years.
My writers circle all get it, but none of us are local, that is we cannot just get together since we all live in different areas of the country.
I would love to have my writing life be my main life, but that just ain't so right now. It is intrusive and pushy like a very jealous lover. If I don't pay enough attention to her she retaliates by making my muse disappear as well.
So like you said, no I don't have it in my immediate circle either.
Which, now that I think about it is kinda sad :(
The other night, I was sitting talking with some of my coworkers about how much it sucks being a nurse (people in all lines of work love to complain, don't cha know?), and the subject of alternate careers came up. One guy said he might go back to being a diesel mechanic. One lady said she was thinking about becoming a cashier at Wal-Mart. I said, "I'm going to be a bestselling author."
They all laughed. I might as well have said that I'm going to be the next man on the moon.
Nobody "gets" me. I guess it's just the nature of dreaming so large. We can't really expect them to understand. Can we?
As far as a love connection goes, I'm waiting for that special someone, that soul mate who DOES understand. I'll accept no substitutes. I need someone who's on my side all the way.
Brian:
When I get together with my writing pals, it's like we speak in code. We fret over the same things, agonize over POV, things that non-writers have no inkling of. And then there are the people who don't get it who say, "Oh, yes, once I retire, I'll write the Great American Novel" or something along those lines. As if it's something you can just wake up and do one day.
E
Jude:
Before I was a full-time novelist, I was an editor--and loved it. So I've never had a non-publishing job. In fact, being an editor was very affirming because other editors "get" what you are all trying to achieve--the best possible book.
E
Hehe...I love this topic. When talking about my writing to "Oh, that's nice..." kind of people, I get an edge in my voice that sounds kind of like a challenge. Like, "So what do you have to say about it?" I'm so in-your-face and on the offensive right off the bat that I haven't really encountered anyone with enough balls to challenge me or offer me their negative opinion on my writing. No one has even sounded remotely condescending. They wouldn't dare. I'd cut them through the knees. Hehe... It's a good thing I'm so short.
In my next career, I think I'd love to be an editor. Although how did you find working with writers?
Nope, nobody in my 'real' life "gets" me. Which is what makes having a 'place' like this extra nice to visit!
If Jude's going to be the next man on the moon, I think I'll declare myself the next Miss America!
Karmela, I go the exact opposite to 'in your face', when confronted with 'head pats', I don a chilly smile, complete with one raised brow, thinking all the while, Jeez, its gonna feel so good to send you my autographed book some day you judgmental ass!
Hi Karm:
I wouldn't cross you, that's for sure. LOL!
I loved being an editor--but it's definitely a trip. I think I'll blog about that tomorrow! Egos, divas, and all sorts of dysfunctional behavior--with a core group of people dedicated to something they believe in. Kind of like any office or job, I suppose.
E
lainey:
Sometimes I wonder if any of the people who sort of dismissed my "hobby" know what it is I am up to.
E
I don't think anyone will ever understand our writing usless that person is a writer. My husband looks at my work but I feel like I get a pat on the head for all my hard work.
I don't like but I think that's all he can muster.
my whole life no one in my family has ever 'gotten' me except my father. He didn't always get what I was doing, but he always got the 'why' which I think is the important part.
He passed away a few years ago, just before my first child was born. I still feel a lot missing in my life because of his absence.
In some ways though, I think his passing really kicked my writing into high gear. It brought my need to write more sharply into focus and gave me an inspiration I had previously not known.
So funny, last night I had to talk to the mother-in-law for a few mins while dh went to sort out some noisy guests. He told her about me selling my book a little while ago - and I won't even mention that he couldn't remember what it was so he told her it was a romance because he knew I belonged to RWA and RWNZ!
So, she comes on the phone saying congratulations... and then.... telling me how clever I am.... and then..... telling me it's so good to have a hobby like writing.... AARRGGHHH. And that all women should have a hobby......
So, in answer to your question... nobody gets the writing business except another writer. People think it's easy.. to quote my mother: 'they say everyone has a book inside of them.' To which I replied: 'well let's see them write it then.'
Brian:
How truly special that your dad intrinsically understood you.
E
Sara:
I would have choked my in-law if she said that. :-) But then again, mine disowned us 8 years ago--along with her only grandchildren--because she despises me. And sometimes I think I am MUCH better off. Now I don't have listen to all the snide comments about my mothering, my hair, my clothes, my everything. And I am SURE my writing were she aware of it! LOL!
E
I longed for the same thing...and then finally met my creative soulmate a few years back. She's a musician, and she just "gets" me and my writing in the same way I totally "get" the songs she's singing. We both always say a prayer of thanks to our mutual friend for introducing us!
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