Endure
Most of us, if we see a tragedy or hear of someone we know going through something difficult, say, "I could never survive that." We sometimes even say it casually, over something far less dire than murder or death, such as when someone goes through a major embarassment or blunder.
But, in truth, we are all programmed to endure. It's part of our humanity. When my youngest son (see picture in post below) was in the NICU and intubated, I saw babies flailing and struggling to breathe, but struggling with every ounce of life in them. He came through it. I endured through sleepless days and nights.
And whatever it is we THINK we cannot survive changes by our suffering. Each event that causes us pain and grief raises the bar of suffering. Life, as Buddhists say, is about inescapable suffering. No one gets a free pass.
We endure.
Marriages endure infidelity. Parents bury their children. War happens . . . and the people endure. How do they go on, in crises like the Sudan? I don't know. Because it is so horrific, even though I believe this about humanity, I still think to myself, "I could never endure that." But sadly, we don't know until we suffer.
I have lived through many things I thought would kill me. I'm still standing.
And it is that defiance, that ability to look at the gods or the fates and to stand up again that is the moment I find most interesting in my characters. Even in my comedies, I don't make it easy. Cassie Hayes in Spanish Disco endures a divorce, alcoholism, and her father's descent into the unliftable fog of Alzheimer's. Lily in Do They Wear High Heels in Heaven endures betrayal, abandonment, and breast cancer.
Viktor Frankl took the concept by Nietzche of endurance. If you know WHY you want to survive an event, you will find within you the tools to do so. WHY do you want to live? WHY do you want to endure? For your children? For a cause? For a fight against an oppressive regime? To find the truth about a murder?
When my characters get knocked down . . . and then stagger to standing again . . . THAT is the crux of my novels.
Thoughts?
But, in truth, we are all programmed to endure. It's part of our humanity. When my youngest son (see picture in post below) was in the NICU and intubated, I saw babies flailing and struggling to breathe, but struggling with every ounce of life in them. He came through it. I endured through sleepless days and nights.
And whatever it is we THINK we cannot survive changes by our suffering. Each event that causes us pain and grief raises the bar of suffering. Life, as Buddhists say, is about inescapable suffering. No one gets a free pass.
We endure.
Marriages endure infidelity. Parents bury their children. War happens . . . and the people endure. How do they go on, in crises like the Sudan? I don't know. Because it is so horrific, even though I believe this about humanity, I still think to myself, "I could never endure that." But sadly, we don't know until we suffer.
I have lived through many things I thought would kill me. I'm still standing.
And it is that defiance, that ability to look at the gods or the fates and to stand up again that is the moment I find most interesting in my characters. Even in my comedies, I don't make it easy. Cassie Hayes in Spanish Disco endures a divorce, alcoholism, and her father's descent into the unliftable fog of Alzheimer's. Lily in Do They Wear High Heels in Heaven endures betrayal, abandonment, and breast cancer.
Viktor Frankl took the concept by Nietzche of endurance. If you know WHY you want to survive an event, you will find within you the tools to do so. WHY do you want to live? WHY do you want to endure? For your children? For a cause? For a fight against an oppressive regime? To find the truth about a murder?
When my characters get knocked down . . . and then stagger to standing again . . . THAT is the crux of my novels.
Thoughts?
posted by Erica Orloff at 1:20 PM
6 Comments:
Erica,
I totally agree with what you said.
I think characters like yours appeal to readers also partly because at some level, we need to believe that we are strong enough to overcome what the characters have overcome.
That's the central idea of my next Romancing The Blog column too.
May:
We have synchronicity from across the globe!
E
P.S. And yes, I think rooting for the underdog to stand up again is part of why we love certain books.
After seeing Francoise literally be eaten alive by cancer, I think we cling to life out of hope. Or sheer stubborness. Or maybe fear that it's not all wine and roses and singing angels on the other side. I don't know. I just count my blessings for what I have and hope that I have whatever it takes to survive the impossible.
Love,
Mary
Mary:
Having been very close to death, at the moment it was happening, I wasn't afraid. With some distance, where it's all theory again, it scares me sometimes.
In The Bible, the book of Job teaches that suffering is inevitable and that it's okay to get mad at God sometimes. It teaches us that life just ain't fair.
It's something I've questioned since second grade, and something I'll never understand. But we have no choice but to accept it because, as Walter Cronkite would have said, "That's the way it is."
So, we heap the misery on our characters in an effort to understand exactly what it is that compels human beings to carry on under extreme and agonizing circumstances. It's part of the human condition that constantly must be questioned, although the answer will never--in this life--be clear.
Jude:
It's a very existentialist theme . . . and I usually have it in my novels. The unending question of WHY?
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