Honesty
I tend to think Billy Joel was right.
Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.
Years ago--when I was 23 and struggling to be a writer--I showed a published short story to a friend and her very blunt, very difficult, very alcoholic husband. I was proud to be published, albeit in a small literary magazine, and I thought the short story was brutally dark. (Note, it was published in The Rockford Review.)
And the husband stated three simple words. "It's not honest."
I was deeply offended. Who was he to tell me if my writing was honest or not? And he was quite rude about it, too. He added for good measure: "You won't be a real writer until you are honest."
With the wisdom of hindsight, I realize a few things. One, he may have been right, but he was so socially cruel and inept through his drinking that he didn't know how to even speak criticism in a way that was helpful. But two, the story wasn't honest.
I realized that sometimes I went for shock value so no one would question the subtle elements of the story. I also realized that, as a writer, I was very concerned with what people thought--a really awful and terrible trait I have worked hard to eradicate. Since then, I danced into the realm of being published to a wide audience, and started getting fan mail and emails and realizing that ten thousand, or twenty thousand, or fifty thousand people or more were actually READING my books, and there was a temptation to be even less honest.
People have a tendency to project the author into a book. If I write truth, if I dig really, really deep and go to the dark places no one in polite society wants to talk about, what will people think? Will they think the heroine's secrets of incest and rape and sexual power are my own, as in The Roofer? Will they think I am an alcoholic, as in Spanish Disco? A little of both? A lot of both?
Honesty, I came to realize, was a very lonely word. And didn't so much pour myself into my books but a version of myself. Some place, some part that was there. An empathic part that could become the people I wrote about.
No matter how far you dig, you have to dig deeper. And you can't care what anyone thinks. I have been at conferences and had, more than once, older women approach me about the language (cursing) in my books. My attitude? Tough shit. I had a review question why I had to depict anti-gay violence in Do They Wear High Heels in Heaven? Too bad. My gay friends have been victims and that was a part of the story.
It's a very naked thing to put your words out there. See my post below--it's a naked thing to put your face out there. But honesty requires that when you write you have no vanity.
It's a lonely word.
Thoughts?
Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.
Years ago--when I was 23 and struggling to be a writer--I showed a published short story to a friend and her very blunt, very difficult, very alcoholic husband. I was proud to be published, albeit in a small literary magazine, and I thought the short story was brutally dark. (Note, it was published in The Rockford Review.)
And the husband stated three simple words. "It's not honest."
I was deeply offended. Who was he to tell me if my writing was honest or not? And he was quite rude about it, too. He added for good measure: "You won't be a real writer until you are honest."
With the wisdom of hindsight, I realize a few things. One, he may have been right, but he was so socially cruel and inept through his drinking that he didn't know how to even speak criticism in a way that was helpful. But two, the story wasn't honest.
I realized that sometimes I went for shock value so no one would question the subtle elements of the story. I also realized that, as a writer, I was very concerned with what people thought--a really awful and terrible trait I have worked hard to eradicate. Since then, I danced into the realm of being published to a wide audience, and started getting fan mail and emails and realizing that ten thousand, or twenty thousand, or fifty thousand people or more were actually READING my books, and there was a temptation to be even less honest.
People have a tendency to project the author into a book. If I write truth, if I dig really, really deep and go to the dark places no one in polite society wants to talk about, what will people think? Will they think the heroine's secrets of incest and rape and sexual power are my own, as in The Roofer? Will they think I am an alcoholic, as in Spanish Disco? A little of both? A lot of both?
Honesty, I came to realize, was a very lonely word. And didn't so much pour myself into my books but a version of myself. Some place, some part that was there. An empathic part that could become the people I wrote about.
No matter how far you dig, you have to dig deeper. And you can't care what anyone thinks. I have been at conferences and had, more than once, older women approach me about the language (cursing) in my books. My attitude? Tough shit. I had a review question why I had to depict anti-gay violence in Do They Wear High Heels in Heaven? Too bad. My gay friends have been victims and that was a part of the story.
It's a very naked thing to put your words out there. See my post below--it's a naked thing to put your face out there. But honesty requires that when you write you have no vanity.
It's a lonely word.
Thoughts?
posted by Erica Orloff at 9:18 AM
16 Comments:
I read somewhere that you have to write as if your parents were dead.
There's truth in that, I think.
But, if we want to sell books (and we do!), it's probably prudent to be somewhat mindful of the audience. It's a balancing act, to be honest and, at the same time, not come off as preachy.
I think you hit that balance perfectly in The Roofer, Erica.
You are SO right! Funny you should mention this, but "Dig Deeper" has been my mantra for the past few weeks, and I've told myself it's my mantra for 2007.
Everyone talks about your book, "The Roofer." Somehow it's the one that I haven't read. I'm putting that on my list this year!
"An empathic part that could become the people I wrote about."'
Well said. And I think that's it in a nutshell. Alcoholism, incest, gay bashing...it happens. For a fortunate few, it may only be a small and often ignored article in the news, but for those who've been touched by it, you owe them the honesty of depicting it as realistically as possible, of becoming the characters. Even if that means it's a bit raw and makes people uncomfortable. It makes them take notice.
LMAO re: writing as if parents were dead Jude. I have the stuff I show ma, and the stuff I like. My wip is a radio sex show host, she's blunt, a little raunchy. Never would have shown ma except it placed in a contest and I was afraid she'd find out and think I was keeping secrets...I was :) anyway, she demanded reading privileges, didn't get very far before proclaiming that she'd never realized I was such a gutter mouth!!!
2 things. 1. try and explain to her that I'm not the gutter-mouth, the character is. Forget it. And 2. in the right...or maybe I should say wrong, company, I am indeed a gutter mouth. For most of my life I've worked almost exclusively with men in the construction industry. Flowery vocabulary seldom drives the point home as well as a medium sized woman repeating the language they'd used hoping to shock or intimidate.
Hi Lainey,
Yep, sometimes a good old fashioned expletive does the trick better than anything. :)
Jude:
I had read that, too. One of my author friends said her first signing was ruined by her mom freaking out that people would think the bitchy mother was her.
And I am mindful of audience. But I also feel like it's art and you have to be true to yourself, also.
E
Spy:
I always warn people it's not for the faint of heart. But it is my "heart" book, and though it doesn't seem it, it is a love story to certain people in my life.
Dig deeper and deeper. I am working for hard as a writer to do that.
E
Lainey:
I like to tell people that it is my CHARACTER'S language choice, not mine. I once critiqued a book in which a hard-bitten street cop talked like a friggin' choir teacher. The woman who wrote it said she didn't "believe" in bad language. But the cop didn't ring true. For the character, the language needed to be more raw.
E
I agree, Erica. Being true to yourself is the most important thing. Always.
I have a question.
You refer to incest and rape and alcoholism, all terrible things, and sexual power, which can be. The implication, intended or not, is that writing is not honest if it doesn't dig deep into terrible things.
Does it have to be that way? Can a character NOT have been shaped by hell and still be honest? Can a character have feelings that are positive and happy and heartfelt without torment? Or is "honesty" in this context only related to negative reality?
Hi Natalie:
Great question . . . In my post, because I know the short story in question, it was a very brutal, violent short story. Also, if you read the post, I write that I purposely, sometimes, wrote for shock--picking the underbelly that I knew--and that it has a way of keeping the subtle things about character hidden. You are less worried about shades of gray when you are dealing with actually dismembering a human body (as occurs in The Roofer in one scene--the Westies were known for beheadings and dismemberment). Now, I have to say, I find sometimes in the quieter explorations of character, the shades of gray, a great deal of honesty. And I do feel like my comedies have a rawness and honesty to them, as well. But there's always a dash of pathos--because that's the human condition.
E
Natalie:
And a P.S. to my comment . . . I think that honesty naturally leads to a discussion or organic characters (my next blog post). I think the reason some chick lit got beyond boring is it was just puppetry--putting the characters through ridiculous paces that invoked plenty of "too stupid to live" moments--that lacked an essential honesty. Not dark tragedy . . . just not honest comedy either.
E
But let me make it perfectly clear that in no way is suffering NECESSARY to find meaning. I only insist that meaning is possible even in spite of suffering--provided, certainly, that the suffering is unavoidable. If it WERE avoidable, however, the meaningful thing to do would be to remove its cause, be it psychological, biological or political. To suffer unnecessarily is masochistic rather than heroic.
--Viktor E. Frankl, from MAN’S SEARCH FOR MEANING
So, I think Natalie makes a valid point. Yes, pathos is part of the human condition, but that doesn’t mean that suffering is an unavoidable part of life. Our most primal instincts are to seek pleasure and avoid pain. I would have to think that some people actually succeed in doing that.
That said, I do think it’s the characters who find meaning in spite of their suffering who are most memorable in fiction (and in the real world).
Hi Jude:
I agree. Of course, for dramatic effect, having characters who don't seem to learn the lessons they need to, who repeat bad choices, etc., helps make for compelling fiction. Or, as I sometimes do with my characters, I have people who realize a choice will certainly compel them to suffering--but for the greater good (utilitarianism), they make the choice anyway.
E
Excellent point, Erica. And that's why it's essential for us to know our characters' motivations. Why walk into the fire if you don't have to? If our characters are simply TSTL, then we've lost. Deep motivations are the ticket.
You both have excellent points (especially about the chick lit). And there is a truth in the idea that we learn more about a character, or about ourselves, in exploring the dark places of our lives more than the light places.
But I don't write about suffering, so I have a sensitivity to the implication, meant or not, that fiction without suffering has no value...or, in this case, no honesty. :)
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