Raise Your Shields
I used to, once in a while, watch "Will & Grace." Debra Messing had this great bit whenever she had to see her mother, played by Debbie Reynolds, in which she raised an imaginary shield to deflect her mother's evilness. I used to laugh out loud.
I happen to have a GREAT Mom. I talk to her for an hour every day. However, every once in a while in this biz, I need to put up my shield.
You see, no matter where you are on this journey in writing, there are going to be people who want to bring you down. If you're not pubbed yet, it will be the imperious neighbor who says something like, "Hmm . . . not published yet? Too bad." Or the relative who says, "Haven't you given up on that little hobby of yours yet?"
When you get an agent, other writers may say it's not a big enough agent or a hard-working enough agent (a.k.a., "It's not MY wonderful world-famous agent."). You get a contract and someone will sneer at who it is with or that it's not for seven figures. (I should be so lucky.) There is, apparently, some traditional pubbed vs. e-pubbed snobbery. Or romance vs. erotica. Whatever. You get the idea.
True story . . . when I started out, I had a picture of myself I liked on my website, and I found a publishing site where people swapped information about agents and deals, and some guy went on a rant about my breasts and my freckles (an "I'd like to screw her" gross rant--on a publishing site!). Give me a f*cking break. It was SO mean-spirited that the owner of the site literally took it down, unprompted by me, for being so sickeningly beastly and sexual. I have no idea who this writer was or is, thank God. WTF?!
Your book comes out--reviews. I have one reviewer (a blog owner and aspiring chick lit writer, not a reviewer for PW or Kirkus) who feels the need to re-post a bad review she wrote four years ago every six months or so on Amazon and to cut and paste it elsewhere all over the 'net, as if I personally harmed her by writing "Diary of a Blues Goddess."
Conferences . . . I have in the past blogged about a horrible yet well-known author who spread gossip about me to someone--that was blatantly false. For reasons I have no idea since I never met the woman. Ever.
SHIELDS!
This is, for better or worse, a public business. Pubbed or not, people will have their opinions on what you're writing and the horse you rode in on. I try to stay overwhlemingly positive. Smile and nod. But truly, the thick skin you need to face rejection also needs to be developed for other aspects of this business. The more you can do it in a positive way . . . the better.
For me, it's a Buddhist perspective. Look neither left nor right but simply straight ahead and BE in your own career, in this moment. Anyone else have a shield?
I happen to have a GREAT Mom. I talk to her for an hour every day. However, every once in a while in this biz, I need to put up my shield.
You see, no matter where you are on this journey in writing, there are going to be people who want to bring you down. If you're not pubbed yet, it will be the imperious neighbor who says something like, "Hmm . . . not published yet? Too bad." Or the relative who says, "Haven't you given up on that little hobby of yours yet?"
When you get an agent, other writers may say it's not a big enough agent or a hard-working enough agent (a.k.a., "It's not MY wonderful world-famous agent."). You get a contract and someone will sneer at who it is with or that it's not for seven figures. (I should be so lucky.) There is, apparently, some traditional pubbed vs. e-pubbed snobbery. Or romance vs. erotica. Whatever. You get the idea.
True story . . . when I started out, I had a picture of myself I liked on my website, and I found a publishing site where people swapped information about agents and deals, and some guy went on a rant about my breasts and my freckles (an "I'd like to screw her" gross rant--on a publishing site!). Give me a f*cking break. It was SO mean-spirited that the owner of the site literally took it down, unprompted by me, for being so sickeningly beastly and sexual. I have no idea who this writer was or is, thank God. WTF?!
Your book comes out--reviews. I have one reviewer (a blog owner and aspiring chick lit writer, not a reviewer for PW or Kirkus) who feels the need to re-post a bad review she wrote four years ago every six months or so on Amazon and to cut and paste it elsewhere all over the 'net, as if I personally harmed her by writing "Diary of a Blues Goddess."
Conferences . . . I have in the past blogged about a horrible yet well-known author who spread gossip about me to someone--that was blatantly false. For reasons I have no idea since I never met the woman. Ever.
SHIELDS!
This is, for better or worse, a public business. Pubbed or not, people will have their opinions on what you're writing and the horse you rode in on. I try to stay overwhlemingly positive. Smile and nod. But truly, the thick skin you need to face rejection also needs to be developed for other aspects of this business. The more you can do it in a positive way . . . the better.
For me, it's a Buddhist perspective. Look neither left nor right but simply straight ahead and BE in your own career, in this moment. Anyone else have a shield?
posted by Erica Orloff at 7:08 AM
19 Comments:
Yeah. I do, in every part of my life.
I don't like 99% of people I meet. At least, I don't care for them enough to seek out a deeper relationship in anyway with them.
If I don't like you, and you also don't like me but can keep your thoughts to yourself, I'll just ignore you.
If you can't shut up, I will come after you. Life's too short to not enjoy revenge. *g*
I've been told it's a difficult way to live. It's not, not when the other option is to bare yourself to the world and get hurt all the time.
I must say, my experiences with the writing community have been overwhelmingly positive so far. There are some unbelievably generous folks out there, willing to help and guide a newbie like me.
But, I know, there are also those few who spew venom at every opportunity. I just try to button up my slicker (or flak jacket, in some cases) and let it roll off. I think it's best to ignore the naysayers and spend your time and energy nurturing the positive.
may:
I'm Russian on my father's side. His family carries grudges from birth to the grave, generation to generation. Stereotypically, it's a nation of brooders. ;-)
I tend to keep to myself--but I do try to practice assuming the best of others. But shields come in handy.
E
Jude:
Agreed. My writing friends are a treasure to me--and I would say the biz has lots of positive aspects. But I do think that it's sometimes threatening to other people when you follow a dream--a lot of people are glad to see someone fail. I don't mean so much in the writing community, but outside it. I once had an uncle try to humiliate me at a family gathering by commenting that my parents must be really embarassed by me and the "smut" I write.
Erica: I try to ignore buttheads like the uncle you mentioned. I know it's hard sometimes, though.
May: Revenge is a self-destructive waste of time.
Creating a protective shield each morning is a routine for me.
As for the smut-monger touters, my energy is best served on more positive pursuits.
Shield...I am the laughing girl.
Hey, if you're laughing at me, it means you're leaving someone else alone.
Even the sisters who have known me all their lives believe to some extent that I am teflon. (The neurotic one has even been known to refer to me as 'mannish' and she doesn't mean that in a nice way.)
In reality, I'm kinda like a Klondike bar. Once you take a bite out of the hard chocolate shell, that squishy white ice cream inside can puddle in minutes. (but that's a secret, okay? Don't tell anyone.)
Like Jude, I feel I've been very fortunate in the writing community. I've been grazed by a bit of bitchiness. Nothing major. But then, I'm not playing in the major leagues yet :)
May, wow! Just...wow. I swing in the opposite direction. I like EVERYONE I meet. That is not to say that I open myself in any way to 99% of them, but I choose to view them as 'innocent until proven guilty' Except maybe my neighbor this week. We've had a massive dump of snow and the silly girl goes out there every morning and shovels and scrapes and heats up her husbands car even though she's not going anywhere! Ack. I told her I was going to vote her out of the 'hood for making the rest of us look bad :)
You have such a beautiful attitude and sense of humor, Lainey. I just know you're going to go far.
Kathy:
I light a candle each day for positive thoughts--my version of the shield, I guess.
E
Lainey:
You always make me laugh!! You are a treasure for your dry comments and your wit. Love your blog . . . love when you visit here.
E
I have a bubble. I put it on and feel like a hamster just going about my business. All the stuff just bounces off and hits the meanie like a cream pie to the face.
What I also like to imagine, when someone posts a particularly nasty reciew, is to imagine she's had a crap day. Got up late. Hit bad traffic. Her heel broke off as she ran across the parking lot. And then when she sat at her desk, she realized she'd forgotten to shave her moustache.
Heh!
Mary
Mary:
I really did laugh out loud at that!!! Thanks for a new visual. Moustache Lady. LOL!
E
T'anks, Erica. :P
Always a pleasure to visit here.
Awe shucks, Jude. Careful, you'll be making a chocolate mess ;-)
Ugh, why do people do such nasty things? I don't have a shield but soon I might. I'm still in the frame of thinking that most people are good people, but I'm slowly beginning to smell the coffee
maria:
I think most people are. Really. I think that people sometimes don;t even know their own motivations when they do something unkind. They justify it with a logic that fits into their version of reality.
In general, writers have a nice comraderie. It just helps to have those shields once in a while.
I'm such a firm believer in what comes around goes around. That's why I usually make an effort to like the people first and reserve judgment for later.
As for mean people, I'm more than willing to help them make a jackass out of themselves. What pisses them off is that I can do it with one of those have-a-nice-day smiles. That's why I think my shield is more like a spring. Kinda like "right back at you."
Lainey: I dig on M&Ms. No chocolate mess. :)
marcia:
Me, too. That makes it easier to let things go.
E
My shield is an assumption that those people just don't exist, and neither does the behavior. I almost never see it.
Now, which comes first, I don't know. :) I don't know if I don't see it because I don't expect to, or if it doesn't come near me because I don't see it.
Post a Comment
<< Home