Who's That Girl?
Okay . . . here I am. Big 80s hair and all. Yes . . . that is moi.
Who's that girl?
At the time this picture was taken, I wasn't sure I could write. Then, a series of letters back and forth with an angel, an author who convinced me I could write, set me down a path.
Who's that girl? At the time I was a single mom going through a truly ugly divorce. I was down to $400 in my checking account. I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. I was being threatened. And as bad off as I was? It was about to get a WHOLE lot worse. I was about to nearly die, I was about to get so sick my parents were told to fly to my bedside and think about a funeral. And in essence, that was the easy part. Because after THAT, I had to claw back to health--not in months but over the course of years. Time started being measured in different ways for me.
Who's that girl? She had to channel all of that hell and figure out she could write. And then go for it.
Do you ever wish you could go back in time? I don't. I mean, I like who I am right now, and as a sum total of all my experiences, I guess I wouldn't pick and choose which ones to have. But sometimes I wish I could go back and whisper to that girl . . . you're going to make it. You're going to be a writer.
But if you could . . . if you could go back . . . what would you tell your younger self? Who's that girl? Or boy?
posted by Erica Orloff at 8:45 PM
17 Comments:
I wouldn't change a thing.
Every nanosecond of my life, the good and bad, has led me to where I am right now.
And right now is awesome.
I dunno. I think we all might like to but if we did go back and change something we wouldn't end up the person we end up.
*looks to the left side of the screen* which is what Jude just said *g*
Jude, Amie:
Agreed. I wouldn't want to change a thing--just maybe offer encouragement--but then who knows? If you had encouragement at a low point, maybe you wouldn't have tried so hard.
E
P.S. I am shocked I have not had a snide comment about 80s hair yet. I am sure it's coming. :-)
I have no room to tease--don't make me pull out my 80's hair photos LOL
amie:
Believe me, I have worse!
LOL!
E
Quite a picture. So pensive. Looks like a still shot from a sad movie.
Nope. Wouldn't change a thing. Wouldn't go back even if I could whisper pearls of wisdom either. Knowing me, I wouldn't listen.
Nope. No snide remarks about 80s hair. I've got some pics of big ol' curls out to 'here' and down to my waist that would have made Cher weep with envy! :)
I only have one regret. That I didn't study abroad while in college. Living outside the U.S., maybe somewhere in Europe, by myself learning another language and immersing myself in another culture would have been so personally enriching. That's my biggest and only regret. If I could travel back in time, I would tell my younger self to pack it up and move to Spain/France/Japan/Germany/Costa Rica for one semester.
Hey, how's the snow down there?
A big voice in my head says I would go back and tell/make the younger me focus on writing and not to fool around with a lot of things that went nowhere.
Another voice in my head says that everything I did and did not do is what makes me who I am today.
There are definitely things about me that I am not in love with, however there are many more things that are worthy.
Since it is not an option for me to actually make the leap and do any of this I choose to love and accept me for who I am and for who I am not.
Not making myself wrong for the things I did and did not do in my life allows me the freedom to pursue anything I choose to in life and to do it without guilt, anger, regret or anything else that would take me out of enjoyment of that pursuit.
Every time I listen to the little voice in my head that says I should have started writing seriously when I was younger, keeps me from writing now because I let regret and doubt take the place of creative freedom and the passion to write.
I hesitate to say how often I let this happen, but I can say that I am getting good at recognizing the symptoms and forcing myself to get out of the funk I create.
Usually a good dose of reading this blog will do it too :) Between the posts by Erica and the amazing comments by Jude, Lainy, Amie, Karmela and the rest of the regulars I get the story kicked right out and I can get back to writing. You all rock.
This place really serves as writer's therapy some days.
I would go back and give myself the confidence to try all those things I thought I couldn't possbily do, and not accept second best.
I'm with Jude ... everything has led me to here and now. Although, if I had to, I'd tell myself to lighten up. The older I get, the more immature I am. As a kid, I was like a little old lady, working myself to bone to get somewhere, be smart and impress people. When I wasn't working, I was berating myself for not working hard enough.
Nowadays, I enjoy goofing off as much as the work. I don't take myself too seriously and if people think I'm silly, well ... they have a right to their opinions!
Happy Valentines Day everyone!
Mary
lainey:
Maybe I at least would have said, "Lose the 80s hair, Babe."
;-)
E
karm:
The snow missed us. I got pelted on my walk today by MELTING ice from the trees, but other than that . . . nada.
And living abroad . . . yeah, I think I would have liked that, too.
E
ewoh:
Glad you like our couch. :-)
And you know, that was part of my post . . . if I didn't have all the hellish times, I'm not sure where, for sure, I would have gotten all my inspiration, story ideas, and so on. My editor told one of her peers, "She's packed an awful lot of life into her years." Which is pretty true.
E
P.S. ewoh . . . .
KEEP WRITING. What peeks you've let us see here and there is awfully good.
Mary:
I would DEINITELY take mroe chances when I was younger. Life IS short and there's plenty of time to enjioy it.
E
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