Identity
"I am a simple Buddhist monk."
That is how His Holiness, the Dalai Lama refers to himself. He could say he is the spiritual leader of Tibetan Buddhists, a holy man, the Dalai Lama, a Nobel Prize winner, or any of many descriptors, but he most often will simply say . . . he is a Buddhist monk.
Which got me thinking about how I identify myself. Who am I? And why do we feel a need to have a label? What do you DO, people ask. We are all so concerned with how we identify ourselves. Liberal? Democrat? Gay? Straight? I look at my kids . . . white or Hispanic? Hispanic or more specifically Mexican? There are boxes to check off when we register them in school--racial boxes, gender boxes.
And we've shared here on the blog before . . . when do you "own" the identity of author or writer or poet or novelist? Does society have to bestow it on you (i.e., do you have to be published?).
When I am asked what I do, 90% of the time, give or take, I say I am a mom. I usually have to be embarassed or goaded into saying I am a novelist. Take a recent dinner party . . . I said nothing in this room full of strangers, but my significant other told everyone I was a novelist, thus reducing me to blushing. It's not that I am NOT a novelist. It's simply that . . . I guess that is not the most important thing about me.
I have decided, lately, that I am not any one thing, or even multiple things. I am a person. That's complex enough. I am a mom--that I love. I am a writer. I am many, many things and you would have to come up with a dozen nouns or two dozen before you even got to know a fraction of who I am.
So how about you? What is your identity? What do you "own" when it comes to your writing?
In the immortal words of The Who . . . Who are you?
posted by Erica Orloff at 8:46 AM
14 Comments:
Hi Erica:
I was fortunate enough to hear The Who perform that song live, in 1980...something. Keith Moon was gone, but Kenny Jones did a helluva job filling in.
Anyway...
Damn good question. Only recently have I felt somewhat validated as a writer. Although I'm not a better writer than I was a week ago, the right person saying, "This guy can really write," somehow makes a ton of difference in how I feel about it.
Accolades from a trusted friend in the industry, snagging an agent, scoring that first book deal...it really doesn't change who I am, but it does help define my attitude toward the potential role I play as an artist.
When I play tennis, I like to pretend that it doesn't matter if I win or lose. But, let's face it: Winning is always a tad bit more fun.
Who am I? I'm a father, a drummer, a poet, a novelist, a medical professional...
But I think you said it best. I'm a person. An individual. A human being. Quite flawed, but still full of hope.
And, never forget. I am Don Juan DeHardin, the greatest lover the world has ever known. :)
Hi Jude:
I think, for me, the aim is to not be swayed by winning or accolades. To remain neutral. Because it really doesn't change who I am.
All right, Don Juan . . . you keep up with those delusions . . . um . . . . beliefs. ;-)
E
Well said, Erica. It's always best to stay grounded, no matter your level of success.
And...
LOL!!! Way to crush the old male ego. Yes, I think most of us ARE actually delusional. All part of who we are. ;)
I have a hard time saying I'm a new author, myself
I'm just a woman, doing her best to raise her kids, living her life. Far from perfect, but I do my best. :)
kelly:
I don't have a hard time "owning" the word novelist. I think for me it's more that I really dislike the way people treat you differently as a novelist vs. a mom. As if somehow one thing is more interesting than the other or you are suddenly "worth" getting to know.
E
Yo, Don Juan DeHardin, coffee is preferable sliding down the throat, not spurting from other places! 'Nuff said.
Hey, Kelly Parra's wearing my shoes!
'K, I'll behave now.
Very well said, as usual, Erica. I think its impossible to define anyone with a single label. Simply put, who I am depends greatly on who I'm with. Mom, sister, friend, wife, boss...
As you know, I recently owned up to 'owning' the label 'writer', but I don't think it applies to who I am. More the other way 'round. Writing is something I DO because of WHO I am...If that makes any sense???
LOL, Lainey! Even though I know I'm not really the world's greatest lover, it would be nice to hear now and then. Or even once. :(
I think I'm going to need another couch session soon. ;)
Lainey:
Hope the coffee was lukewarm.
Hmm . . . is writer who I am? Or is it something I DO? I don't know. I think it's more intrinsic. As a writer, I am always lost in my imagination . . . I'm always other places, writing dialogue. It's more than what I DO. I think, for instance, I could draw the distinction just in terms of career. I worked as an editor for years . . . It was what I DID. But writer was who I was inside.
Thought-provoking.
E
Don Juan . . .
The couch, as usual, is quite crowded. You know, it's so crowded people might talk. ;-)
E
I usually don't tell people, mostly because I write erotica and I work with children. When you work with children, you're not even supposed to think about sex far, far, far away from them, LOL.
Something weird happens when you tell someone you're a writer, though. I've only told a few non-writers, so ... I can't quite put my finger on it yet.
I'm with Spy--something weird does happen, so I usually don't share. It's just easier that way and like you, it's not the first word I'd use to describe myself.
My family (because I write erotica too) is embarrassed about what I write (well dad and step-mom) but they love to introduce me to people and tell them who I work for. It's VERY embarrassing but apparently that is how THEY identify ME.
Hi Spy:
I agree. People do treat you differently. Not 100% sure what it is either. I have met a couple of people--acquaintances, not friends--who look for autobiography in all I write, as if I must BE the heroine--or a big part of her. That is awkward.
E
amie:
My eldest (almost 17) hates when I write sex scenes because apparently I am not supposed to think about that. LOL!
E
It's weird, but I won't tell people I write. I don't mind saying I'm a motellier, or a uni lecturer, or a mum.... but an author....
Not that any of these define me. I am a bit of lots of things. And as they say: the sum is greater than the parts....
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