Dream Big
"The biggest human temptation is to settle for too little."
~Thomas Merton
My father, especially, taught me in life you have to dream big and never be afraid of failure. A good example was when I wanted to quit my day job as an editor to freelance as a book editor and ghostwriter when I had my son 11 years ago. I had been making really nice "side money" for years, but it was a huge leap to give up benefits and security. Or so I thought. My father said to me, "Quit! You'll never make money working for anyone else. Your income will always depend on what THEY want to give you. Your 4% raise. Whatever. Quit. And you know what? If you fail, you can ALWAYS find another job."
So I quit. And I quintupled my income. More importantly, I was home with my kids. And went on to have more kids because I didn't have daycare costs. And even more than that, I think, I got to soar without having to punch a clock, which was something I loathed with every molecule in my being.
But I was lucky--oh, not in the freelance game. THAT was hard work and never giving up and long hours and tough deadlines. No, I was lucky in that my parents never raised me to work for "the man." They never encouraged me to have modest dreams, but to dream a really great life for myself.
Now, looking at my significant other . . . the total opposite. He raised himself in a virtually parent-less world . . . he lived in poverty and went hungry at times . . . he saw his main parent doing immoral things . . . he wasn't taught right from wrong--and more importantly, no one, ever, told him he could do or be ANYTHING.
Our kids? HUGE dreams. Why not? SOMEONE has to have that big life--might as well be you.
I know so many writers want to quit their day jobs. Want to be published. Want to hit the best-sellers list. Dream it.
Merton is right. Never, ever settle for a lesser dream. You know, I don't always speak my dreams aloud. I don't want people to know what I hold dear to my heart, what I am striving for. But I can tell you, almost every dream I have ever had has come true. Because I wasn't afraid to go for it.
Thoughts?
posted by Erica Orloff at 6:44 AM
9 Comments:
My parents were the ultimate "company men." Science and math geeks both, they never thought that any money could be made outside the science and math fields (they were both engineers). They were raised by an accountant and a teacher, and all their siblings are either accountants, engineers, and teachers also.
Imagine to their consternation when their eldest daughter began to exhibit signs of wanting to go into the arts. The horror! They tried to steer me into the only acceptable "art" for Asian parents -- playing classical music on the piano.
Hated it. I wanted to dance, to perform onstage, to write.
Poor things, they tried their best to quash those silly dreams of mine. And to a certain extent, they succeeded. Instead of going into fiction writing, I went into the more stable, more respectable world of journalism. I quit dancing and acting altogether.
But now, the dreams are resurfacing. Ironic too considering now I have a mortgage and dependents. I don't blame my folks for trying to stop my dreams. I know they were just looking out for me within the boundaries of the world they knew.
But my own kids? If one of them told me he wanted to be Justin Timberlake when he grew up, I'd be the one driving him to singing and dancing classes.
karm:
Love that last bit about wanting to be Justin Timberlake. I would be the same. You know I've got one drummer, one electric guitar player, one violinist . . .
You know, my father really, really pushed me, I think, academically . . . and pushed me to dream big. At times it felt pressure-filled. But now, I really and truly see how he thought outside the box and thought big, and how it has formed who I am and what I do for a living.
E
You're an inspiration, Erica.
And even with everything you have going on in your own life, you still take time to help others realize their dreams. I really appreciate you.
Thanks. I don't think it's inspiring, particularly. I just think we should dream big. :-)
Cheers,
E
Like Karmela, my parents are establishment. They did push me to excel--but only at XY or Z. Anything 'artsy' is just weird.
I made life more difficult for myself than it should have been by times because I rebelled so fiercely against that. Did an about face after I married and had a 'proper' job for a while. Long story short, after a health crisis, dh decided his excellent salary and benefits weren't worth what they were doing to him, effed the man and opened his own business.
Hasn't been easy, but ultimately, bouts of irregular income are easier than regular misery. He's better at the dream big thing than me. I have episodes of calculating my computer time by what I 'could' have earned hourly, but bless his heart, he remains firmly convinced that I AM earning. :P
We both encourage our kids to pursue their interests. Right now my 'artist' has dropped her pencil and is hooked on mastering computer animation. My 'rock star/mathemetician' has a science teacher who's set him on fire and has hung up his electric guitar and is playing a banjo...AC/DC music actually sounds pretty cool played on a banjo :)
Lainey:
. . .bouts of irregular income are easier than regular misery . . . .
True, true, true!!!
Great words to remember. Thanks!
E
Erica, you're so lucky with your parents. My parents have always been in business for themselves, fairly successfully, but my father lacked the courage/confidence to take serious risks. And I think though they supported all of us in whatever we wanted to do, their support lacked the vision your parents obviously had.
I've tried to encourage my two to do whatever they want, so it will be interesting to see how they develop in the future.
sara:
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I think that sort of thread was woven through my life.
E
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