My Kryptonite
My life is filled with worry, stress, and tinged with grief of late. People I love are sick, friends are sick, deadlines loom, I'm overtired because of insomnia (been up since 1:00 a.m. and it's now 6:20 p.m. Do the math). It's life. I have been in a roughly ten-day cycle of extreme pressure and anxiety. And thus . . . it is my Kryptonite.
I can write through exhaustion.
I can write through illness. Hell, been doing that for years.
I can write through anger.
I can write through a move several states away with my life in boxes.
I can write in a hotel room all alone.
I can write with six or seven kids running through my house.
I can even write while nursing a baby.
But I cannot write through anxiety. It is my Kryptonite. It is what shuts me down.
It is what it is. I am on a nine-day prayer vigil undertaken for people with cancer in my life and for my baby and other things that are troubling me. The prayer vigil is helping to conquer anxiety because I feel like I am DOING something. But I am still not at 100%.
So . . . blog friends . . . whether you are writers, or readers . . . doesn't matter. What is your Kryptonite?
posted by Erica Orloff at 6:13 PM
12 Comments:
*hugs* I'll add my own healing thoughts to your vigil.
Anger is my kryptonite. I cannot write if I'm angry. I sit there and stew. Luckily, me getting angry is something that doesn't happen very often. I can go years without getting angry, but when I get pushed over the edge (whether it be a person or hormones), it eats me alive inside. I'm not all that thrilled with the results of expressing it, either.
Hi Spy:
I try not to get too angry in life--it's an emotion that does the person holding onto it more harm than the person you feel angry toward. In general, like you, it's rare for me. I tend to take a little time, process it and move on. I had a friend really betray me, think, a few months ago. For a day or two, I was stunned, but then I moved on. I would have to say though, that it definitely HAS the capacity to block out all thoughts related to writing.
E
(((more hugs)))
For anger, exhaustion, ill humor etc. I often find it can be cathartic to write my way out of it. I'm with you on the anxiety, particularly the anxiety brought on by self doubt. That little voice that creeps in every now and again and whispers, "What the hell are you doing at this computer? Isn't there better ways to spend your time? Something more productive with tangible results?"
That generally halts any progress in the wip, and I have to get up and accomplish a task with a beginning, middle and end, so I can feel as though I've actually DONE something.
lainey:
YES! I can write my way out of anger sometimes by freewriting or writing an angry letter--and then deleting it. But anxiety seems so . . . ethereal, like this thing I can't quite grasp or control.
E
Grief. I've written before through the doubt and the anxiety, but it's grief that sneaks up on me and robs me of the ability to compartmentalize.
I've always been good in a crisis, but when the crisis ends and I'm out of "fix-it" mode, when the emotions I've been holding back gang up on me -- that's when I stop. Because what it usually comes down to is grief. And there's no way but through it.
That's my personal kryptonite.
-- Jen
Hi JK:
Great insight. Yes, it's usually AFTER that we collapse.
E
Unfinished business does me in every time. And it could be any kind of unfinished business -- unpaid bills, a freelance project that is moving too slowly, or a phone call that i've been avoiding. If too many of things pile up, they keep me awake at night and zap my creative energy.
Big hugs headed your way!
~ Weez
Add my prayers to your chain, Erica.
Grief does me in, too. When my dad died, I could not write. I was late on a deadline for the first time in more than fifty books. (And since dad was a stickler for keeping your word, I'm betting that really ticked him off.)
I hope things get better soon, Erica. Big hugs!!!!!!!!
louise:
Hmm . . . yes. Sometimes, when I am so behind on bill-paying, filing, etc.--just no TIME and bad organization--it can become a kryptonite thing.
E
maureen:
Hear you.
I think the only time I was late on a book, I was giving birth. LOL! But eventually, even though I thought I could write right up until my due date, I was just plain OLD TIRED!
E
Thanks, La.
E
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