Smackdown
This has been, without a doubt, one of the worst weeks of my entire existence. My kids think I've finally cracked under pressure. Maybe. The funny thing is I started Monday with prayers that I would allow nothing to dampen my joy. That I expected great things, miracles, and joy in my week. Nothing would stop me.
You know, when you put a challenge like that out into the universe, I think the universe says, "You think you're so f*cking evolved . . . see how you handle THIS."
And it gave it to me in spades, capped by my youngest baby--two years old--needing some pretty extensive testing at Children's Hospital. He'll be fine, I hope . . . but you know, the universe engaged in a version of WWE Smackdown with me (and you know, I don't watch wrestling, but that guy on the link is HOT). Yesterday, I was on the canvas, when my agent called and a proposal I adore was sent to a different imprint at a house--and ping pong continues. This biz is not for the faint of heart. But that wasn't all--or even a fraction of all that was happening. It reached a point where I didn't even want to open email because it was likely going to be someone giving me a hard time for something. And frankly, because of Baby #4, I didn't give a sh*t about any of it.
And in the midst of it, I was working on something and my daughter asked me about it. And I told her the editor wanted x or y change. And my daughter said, "That's bullsh*t. Buy back the book. Don't let them have it. Have artistic integrity, mom. I like your characters tough-talking and strong, just the way they are. INTEGRITY!"
Then I reminded her we're purchasing a $10,000 violin on Saturday.
Sometimes, this job is a JOB. Period.
But after everyone in the house was in bed, at two a.m., I had a long talk with the universe. Okay. Smackdown. You beat me this week. BUT . . . I ain't down yet. And hell, it's only THURSDAY. So I wrote up a list of what I am working on, what I want to do next, what proposal I'll work on next, what rewrites are due . . . and today, I work on my list.
With integrity.
Sometimes, in life, you just gotta push on. So, I won. I really did. Yeah, I got smacked down, but I'm standing today. I'm writing. And no, I am not going to ruin my character. I like her. I'll tweak her. I'll put it into the universe and see what happens.
What do you do when the world smacks you down?
You know, when you put a challenge like that out into the universe, I think the universe says, "You think you're so f*cking evolved . . . see how you handle THIS."
And it gave it to me in spades, capped by my youngest baby--two years old--needing some pretty extensive testing at Children's Hospital. He'll be fine, I hope . . . but you know, the universe engaged in a version of WWE Smackdown with me (and you know, I don't watch wrestling, but that guy on the link is HOT). Yesterday, I was on the canvas, when my agent called and a proposal I adore was sent to a different imprint at a house--and ping pong continues. This biz is not for the faint of heart. But that wasn't all--or even a fraction of all that was happening. It reached a point where I didn't even want to open email because it was likely going to be someone giving me a hard time for something. And frankly, because of Baby #4, I didn't give a sh*t about any of it.
And in the midst of it, I was working on something and my daughter asked me about it. And I told her the editor wanted x or y change. And my daughter said, "That's bullsh*t. Buy back the book. Don't let them have it. Have artistic integrity, mom. I like your characters tough-talking and strong, just the way they are. INTEGRITY!"
Then I reminded her we're purchasing a $10,000 violin on Saturday.
Sometimes, this job is a JOB. Period.
But after everyone in the house was in bed, at two a.m., I had a long talk with the universe. Okay. Smackdown. You beat me this week. BUT . . . I ain't down yet. And hell, it's only THURSDAY. So I wrote up a list of what I am working on, what I want to do next, what proposal I'll work on next, what rewrites are due . . . and today, I work on my list.
With integrity.
Sometimes, in life, you just gotta push on. So, I won. I really did. Yeah, I got smacked down, but I'm standing today. I'm writing. And no, I am not going to ruin my character. I like her. I'll tweak her. I'll put it into the universe and see what happens.
What do you do when the world smacks you down?
Labels: writing through crisis
posted by Erica Orloff at 8:41 AM
14 Comments:
Chin up, Erica! You'll be in my thoughts today. Smackdowns are nasty, and they are meant to teach us something. But the learning part is never as easy as the 'having learned' part when you smack a palm against your forehead and go 'ah, that's what that was for'.
Blessings to baby #4. And a big wow for the daughter who plays violin! I played violin all through middle and high school. (Never had the $10K kind to play.) It is a wonder to be able to create music. I hope she plays some private concerts for you!
M
::giant, head-to-toe hug:::
You are without a doubt one of my most favorite people in the galaxy. My stomach just dropped to my shoes at the news that our young 'un is being poked and prodded by doctors. I want to smack the universe back for you and with you. ::picks up light saber and prepares to do battle::
What can I do?
Oh, Erica...
I was there not so long ago myself. Sending super supportive thoughts your way.
This might sound trite, but a particular song got me through some of the most difficult times. It's my most played track on iTunes, and I pull it out every time I need a positive nudge.
It's "I'm Not Going Down" by JoDee Messina. I even have the lyrics bookmarked, even though I know them by heart.
Michele:
My daughter's gift has been extraordinary. Like a lot of adolescents, she almost quit, but now she is sure she wants to go to a conservatory. I love listening to her.
And yes, the lesson is never that easy. But you soldier on. :-)
It's actually "Not Going Down".
Oops. ;)
http://music.yahoo.com/Jo-Dee-Messina/Not-Going-Down/lyrics/18691852#lyricstop
Hey Karm:
I went to my acupuncturist today, meditated for the hour the needles were in, and feel much better. Life is always about getting up after a smackdown. :-) Somehow, I am calm today.
As for little guy--you know, they are hunting for Crohn's disease. Seven months of no growth. So we'll see. In my heart, I think I can just get him through whatever it is. I am feeling better today.
E
Heather:
Thanks! I appreciate it. My iPod is the GREATEST gift I ever got. I have DAYS of music on it, and it really has the ability to help my mood. I am right now into Arcade Fire. And there are a few songs on it that just remind me to pick myself the hell up.
And you know, sometimes it's the big things. But sometimes it's the STUPID things added to the big things. Like the FOURTH day in a row my daughter's commuter bus didn't show (she attends a music school, not regular school) so I had to spend almost 1.5 hours on the road getting her to school--there and back). Like I NEED that this week. ;-) Like I said. It was as if the universe said, "Oh yeah?"
What Karmela said!
(hmm, unless that makes my post plagiarism) :0
Webster's def. integrity: "entireness, wholeness, uprightness, honesty.." You.
xoxoxoxox to you and the babe.
Aww, I'm so sorry, Erica. I hope he's okay. Best of luck to your violinist! Where does she want to go to college? (Translation: if she applies to CIM, can I buy you lunch?) Seriously, let me know if you or she wants to pick my brain about conservatory/college/auditions. If she's going to a music school, though, she's probably got that covered.
I've had a smackdown myself. What kind of crazy is it to have a day job that's as uncertain as writing???
Just when I'm stressing about the day job, my publisher writes to tell me she can't buy anything until October, after the one I'm working on.
Silver lining: I guess I have no excuse not to write that NY-targeted novel, now. Maybe if I'd kick my own ass a little more, the universe wouldn't have to.
lainey:
Back at ya, Sistah.
E
spy:
God, what words of wisdom. YES. Sometimes we get kicked to move us along on our journey.
And she's concentrating on Boston, I think. :-)
E
Like Heather, a song (Second Wind by Billy Joel) helped pull me through a series of smackdowns once.
So sorry to hear about Jack. Extra prayers.
So sorry to hear about your tough week. Went through one of my own recently. I really hope your boy is well and being given the best by his doctors. I know your love and passion for him will go a long way in his recovery.
As far as songs to help you through go... I'm partial to 'The Middle' by Jimmy Eat World.
ewoh:
Thanks. Frame of mind, as you know, is a lot of it. So . . . I am MUCH better. Still in the middle of Smackdown . . . but at least mentally, I am feeling less tired. My acupuncturist is a genius. :-)
E
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