Nightmares
I had my first nightmare in a couple of months last night. It was God awful--one of the worst I have ever had in a life plagued by them. I woke up this morning unable to shake it. I read and whispered aloud some prayers. The nightmare is still there, hanging on me, wafting through my office now.
But of course, I cannot have a nightmare and not think of writing. I suppose that's the writer's curse. Nothing occurs that you won't mine for fiction. Everything goes into the brain and is filtered.
Now . . . I "get" my nightmare in a "Paging Dr. Freud" sense. I had a dream I found the PERFECT yoga studio, run by a Buddhist from Hawaii. Okay, I have no idea about the Hawaii part since I am afraid to fly and would never go there and don't have an interest in going there, but there you go. And for SOME reason, the yoga studio was across the street from both a bank and a bar. Okay--so I would like to make more money since I have a kid going to college next year . . . and I like to go out with my friends and socialize. But here's where it gets strange (what? It's not already strange?). I was assualted in the bank (just punched a few times, but still, not the usual bank experience) and when I reported it to the police I was interviewed by a male cop and a female cop--and they drove me home and the male cop assaulted me so horrifically, I had to stab him to death. Okay, so there's a sneak peak into my mind.
But here's the thing. I am not a violent person. I really strongly dislike cops and break out in a sweat at the sight of a police cruiser . . . but that is more because they TERRIFY me (lest I now get a ton of emails about hating law enforcement--I know there are many, many fine men and women in blue . . . . but frankly, they scare me, plus my dad hates 'em and so there you go; I am cop phobic--but yes, I DO really understand they exist to serve and protect us . . . this is a DREAM--as an aside, they had a"cop tent" at the county fair and I couldn't even walk in it--LOL!). So the idea of going to someone in authority for protection? And then they betray and hurt you and it's so horrific? GREAT MATERIAL FOR A NOVEL!
So as I sift through this dream (and I am watering down the details here for a public blog) . . . and how terrifying it was . . . I am equally intrigued by both its subject matter, AND . . . here's the big thing . . . the RAWNESS of the emotions. Because they are very fresh, and now it's something I can draw on.
Now I have to go upstairs and wake my kids up. I will kiss them and (in the baby's case) put my face down to him and simply inhale baby scent . . . and that will chase the rest of this away. I will have my tea. I will get them all off to school. The turmoil will be gone. But the material? Now part of the Vault that is my Writing Brain.
So you don't have to (unless you wanna) share your dreams and nightmares . . . but do you USE them or am I the only one on the Couch today?
Peace,
E
But of course, I cannot have a nightmare and not think of writing. I suppose that's the writer's curse. Nothing occurs that you won't mine for fiction. Everything goes into the brain and is filtered.
Now . . . I "get" my nightmare in a "Paging Dr. Freud" sense. I had a dream I found the PERFECT yoga studio, run by a Buddhist from Hawaii. Okay, I have no idea about the Hawaii part since I am afraid to fly and would never go there and don't have an interest in going there, but there you go. And for SOME reason, the yoga studio was across the street from both a bank and a bar. Okay--so I would like to make more money since I have a kid going to college next year . . . and I like to go out with my friends and socialize. But here's where it gets strange (what? It's not already strange?). I was assualted in the bank (just punched a few times, but still, not the usual bank experience) and when I reported it to the police I was interviewed by a male cop and a female cop--and they drove me home and the male cop assaulted me so horrifically, I had to stab him to death. Okay, so there's a sneak peak into my mind.
But here's the thing. I am not a violent person. I really strongly dislike cops and break out in a sweat at the sight of a police cruiser . . . but that is more because they TERRIFY me (lest I now get a ton of emails about hating law enforcement--I know there are many, many fine men and women in blue . . . . but frankly, they scare me, plus my dad hates 'em and so there you go; I am cop phobic--but yes, I DO really understand they exist to serve and protect us . . . this is a DREAM--as an aside, they had a"cop tent" at the county fair and I couldn't even walk in it--LOL!). So the idea of going to someone in authority for protection? And then they betray and hurt you and it's so horrific? GREAT MATERIAL FOR A NOVEL!
So as I sift through this dream (and I am watering down the details here for a public blog) . . . and how terrifying it was . . . I am equally intrigued by both its subject matter, AND . . . here's the big thing . . . the RAWNESS of the emotions. Because they are very fresh, and now it's something I can draw on.
Now I have to go upstairs and wake my kids up. I will kiss them and (in the baby's case) put my face down to him and simply inhale baby scent . . . and that will chase the rest of this away. I will have my tea. I will get them all off to school. The turmoil will be gone. But the material? Now part of the Vault that is my Writing Brain.
So you don't have to (unless you wanna) share your dreams and nightmares . . . but do you USE them or am I the only one on the Couch today?
Peace,
E
Labels: nightmares
posted by Erica Orloff at 7:03 AM
12 Comments:
I wish I had more dreams/nightmares like that! Mine are usually involved with my life, like ... I often dream I'm back at Taekwondo and taking a belt test, or something. Easy to interpret, since TKD was SO much fun for me and I miss it like crazy.
However, when I'm not sleeping with DH (like when he's gone or I have to use the vaporizer), I get serial killer dreams. They come in my house and stalk me ... but I never get to the attacking part. I always wake up, or half-wake up and start directing the dream into telling me a safer story, LOL.
I just love that baby scent.
(Oh! But I was once given this medication that gave me hour long dreams, no kidding. Complete sagas! It was really freaky, so I went off of it. Gotta tell, you, I wouldn't mind taking those once in awhile, now that I write! I could use that drug!)
Sidling up with guilty expression on face. Move over, baby, I need a little room on the couch. :)
I'm not violent either, to the point where I took martial arts for a while, was good in form, strong, flexible etc. but I couldn't even 'pretend' hit anyone. The instructor made fun of me and told me to go join the freakin' ballet. :(
BUT, where the majority of people I talk to have nightmares and are scared to death of bad things happening to them or someone they love, almost ALL my nightmares are about me doing violent, grisly things. And never related to anything that has gone on. Not like I get pissed at the school principle and dream of running him over with a truck, it's always weird things often with people I barely know or haven't seen in ages. And yes. I always use it. I've written some decent stuff while sitting in a cold sweat trying to understand why I'd dream so vividly about a stabbing that I could actually feel slimy blood on my hands and experience a metallic grossness on my tongue. :0
Repressed rage, ya think? :)
p.s. too funny, I'm cop-phobic as well. Even when I'm wearing my seat-belt and 'usually' doing the speed limit, my hands sweat if I pass a cruiser on the road.
Spy:
I have been on drugs like that, too. Spent a month on a morphine drip. Ahh, Morpheus.
E
Lainey:
I almost deleted the entire post, because it felt very "weird" sharing the whole dream, but I don't want to self-censor this writing blog, so it is what it is. SO glad I am NOT the only one!!!!!!!! LOL!
And when you write about the blood . . . what was vivid in this was stabbing someone, the sound, the feel. It was awful.
And Lainey, you KNOW there's always room on my Couch for you, darling.
AND . . . I didn't know the cop. There's a hint of someone I once met in him. But it was very strange, Lainey. VERY strange.
E
Awww, we like you, Erica, uncensored. :-) Lainey, I'm like you. I'm more afraid of hurting someone else than I am of getting hurt. It's not the healthiest of Achille's Heels, that's for sure.
I've been afraid of cops since one freaky experience with an eh-hem. I live in a small town now where the cops are the sweetest guys, but ... I've been there for nine years, and I can now look them in the eye for a full two seconds.
Hi Spy:
Uncensored it is, then. :-)
Except for my sex dreams. I won't post those. LOL!
E
I rarely have a natural, un-prompted dream. So when I do have one, it is remarkable. I have them maybe once or twice a year. Sometimes violent, sometimes just freakin' weird (my best friend, a grand piano, and acres and acres of ice). Hmm...
But I dream every night. I have been prompting my own dreams since I was very young. I'll have elaborate dreams/fantasies that stretch over days, sometime drift into daydreams, and then take up again at night. And I never write about these, because I wouldn't know how to. They are epic!
The weird thing is I've only dreamed of my hubby of 20 years twice. ANd once he was walking toward me with a gun, aimed at me. Then I woke up.
I really try to analyze those 'real' dreams though. I think they are direct reflections of what you may be experiencing during your waking hours. THough more metaphorical than actual.
I have dreams of my loved ones dying and I wake up in a panic.
I used to have real terrors when I went to an evangelical churches when visiting relatives growing up. (My mother and me were/are the only Catholics. Baaaa. Color me black. Make that double black for being a Catholic that meditates and loves Zen. I'm such a heretic.) Anyway, all the talk of armegeddon and the rapture and Cathlics going to hell really did a number on my dreams.
Michele:
Most of the time, I can discern precisely why I dream things . . . and I tend to remember my dreams most days. I will wake up and say, "Of COURSE they were eating sushi and eel in the dream because I JUST had that conversation about great Manhattan sushi places with so and so." They're all those little things that drift in. Sometimes not so little--like dreaming of betrayal or whatever.
And sometimes? They are just plain weird.
E
Heather:
Well, of COURSE you are going to hell. LOL! I am headed right there also if you talk to some people.
Did you ever see the Robin Williams' movie What Dreams May Come? That terrified me for weeks afterward, that vision of hell.
E
And then I have this other nightmare where I forget to edit my blog comments...
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