Out of Left Field
This has less to do with writing and more to do with . . . being different.
But here goes.
All my life, I did amazingly well in school but was totally unhappy there. I aced every test (most of them), didn't have to work that hard because writing came easily, which meant like dominoes, most subjects then were a breeze (i.e., you can write a history essay, an English essay, a social studies paper off the top of your head). I skipped grades, including my senior year of high school. I had three majors and one minor in college. Yeah--three of them. Ridiculous. I had an academic scholarship here. I got into grad school here. But . . . I always felt like the outsider.
And now . . . I am butting up against a school system, in the case of one of my kids, that doesn't seem to be a "fit." He tests gifted, and that's great, but his interests don't perfectly mesh with what's taught. And worse, he's got two teachers who seem to be a horrific "emotional" or EQ (emotional quotient) match for him. In one case, stern. In the other, imperious and disinterested in him.
So I sit here, sobbing, seriously thinking perhaps what I need to do is homeschool. As IF I need that on my plate. But private school tuition for the school I want is $10,000--and I already have double that bill when Oldest goes off to college this fall.
Part of me thinks homeschooling would be cool. A chance to re-learn subjects. A chance to light a fire in my kid, to visit museums. And part of me just wonders how I could possibly add that to my day. I think if I cut out ALL sleep, it might work. And if I found one more day in the week. And if . . .
You get the idea. So my question, writers . . . is I wonder, just asking my blog pals here, how many of you felt out of sync in school? Is school just about taking every round peg and beating it into submission into a square hole? I wonder if I even . . . AGREE . . . with educational principles in this country. But every writer, just about, that I have ever known . . . was a little "different." We all have tales of teachers that inspired and teachers that ruled through terror and humiliation.
And part of me wonders, in all sincerity, and with complete honesty, if it's worth it staying in the system. If we should nurture our round pegs some other way.
So this is off-topic. But screw it. It's my blog. My son's teacher convinced me today that there are some people who should NOT be teachers. And I want to know. If you had it to do over again, would you stay in the system?
And does anyone have access to any drugs that would totally eliminate the need for sleep? Kidding there. Kind of. ;-)
Peace,
E
But here goes.
All my life, I did amazingly well in school but was totally unhappy there. I aced every test (most of them), didn't have to work that hard because writing came easily, which meant like dominoes, most subjects then were a breeze (i.e., you can write a history essay, an English essay, a social studies paper off the top of your head). I skipped grades, including my senior year of high school. I had three majors and one minor in college. Yeah--three of them. Ridiculous. I had an academic scholarship here. I got into grad school here. But . . . I always felt like the outsider.
And now . . . I am butting up against a school system, in the case of one of my kids, that doesn't seem to be a "fit." He tests gifted, and that's great, but his interests don't perfectly mesh with what's taught. And worse, he's got two teachers who seem to be a horrific "emotional" or EQ (emotional quotient) match for him. In one case, stern. In the other, imperious and disinterested in him.
So I sit here, sobbing, seriously thinking perhaps what I need to do is homeschool. As IF I need that on my plate. But private school tuition for the school I want is $10,000--and I already have double that bill when Oldest goes off to college this fall.
Part of me thinks homeschooling would be cool. A chance to re-learn subjects. A chance to light a fire in my kid, to visit museums. And part of me just wonders how I could possibly add that to my day. I think if I cut out ALL sleep, it might work. And if I found one more day in the week. And if . . .
You get the idea. So my question, writers . . . is I wonder, just asking my blog pals here, how many of you felt out of sync in school? Is school just about taking every round peg and beating it into submission into a square hole? I wonder if I even . . . AGREE . . . with educational principles in this country. But every writer, just about, that I have ever known . . . was a little "different." We all have tales of teachers that inspired and teachers that ruled through terror and humiliation.
And part of me wonders, in all sincerity, and with complete honesty, if it's worth it staying in the system. If we should nurture our round pegs some other way.
So this is off-topic. But screw it. It's my blog. My son's teacher convinced me today that there are some people who should NOT be teachers. And I want to know. If you had it to do over again, would you stay in the system?
And does anyone have access to any drugs that would totally eliminate the need for sleep? Kidding there. Kind of. ;-)
Peace,
E
posted by Erica Orloff at 5:46 PM
25 Comments:
We've had to explain to our oldest one that he still has to "conform" to rules, do what bores him, because real life may not always allow us to do what we want the way we want to do it. BUT, we reward him when he makes himself get through it and we try to feed his unmet needs from school at home.
Frustrating as HECK, but private school and homeschool isn't an option for me.
Hi Heather:
Wise advice.
The rebel in me just despises the "system." I know there are rules, but . . . I don't know. I'm not sure what the answer it. Until this semester, the kid's been excelling. But I know he also hasn't been challenged or excited, either. Even in the gifted classes.
Private school would be an option if there wasn't college tuition looming. And I'm not totally against homeschooling. I just know I need to really think about it long and hard in terms of me and Crohn's disease (i.e., I don't get enough rest as it is).
E
Erica,
I didn't fit. Only when I participated in writing-type projects (such as DAR contests, etc.) did I even feel a tinge of connection.
Not blessed with children, we've discussed fostering and adoption. Living in an incredibly rural area, even the local private school lacks academic challenge.
IF we were to welcome a young one into our home, my idea would be to home school. AND focus on connecting socially with children his or her age by seeking out other parents with children in the child's age group / sports leagues / children's theater, etc.
My thoughts on the possibility of home schooling are still sketchy, and I'm not sure how to make sure the child would get the socialization and interaction he or she would need.
Not wanting to cushion or prevent an association with the real world, what might our options be?
What are your thoughts?
Thanks,
Kathy
{{{Oh, hugs + more hugs}}}
Sounds like we're in the same place, 'us-wise' and 'kid-wise'
Me, too smart for my own good. Couldn't relate to anyone because they 'worked' and I didn't understand how it could be called 'work'. Coasted through a lot of school, skipped grades, only to become so bored I have a shameful lack of education because I could't go any further.
GG is a social and content B student, happy with her A+ art grades and to 'live' her artsy world.
TB, not so much. He's quite brilliant at math and logistics and unfortunately, he's had 'stupid' teachers. I would
love to say he's abnoxious, they were adults etc. but the truth is, he corrected them WITH PROVEN FACTS HE'D RESEARCHED often enough that he's right--not necessarily that the teachers are 'stupid', but they aren't smart enough to challenge him.
We offered to home school him, but he is quite involved in the music program (string instruments) he doesn't want to lose that or the social aspect of being in school with his peers. The only private scools here are out'ta'lunch outrageous, as in, more than college or university, unless you go the 'religious school' route, which is slightly less...but not really an option to say a Heinz-57 kid is 'Dutch Reform' just for the sake of schooling.We're currently looking in to online courses he can take that will challenge him in subjects that interst him, and like Heather, trying to make him understand that sometimes you take the good with the bad and try to appreciate what you've learned by learning to get along in a world that often does't fit.
As far as drugs go, if you can find some that make you live WITHOUT sleep, lemme know. Failing that, some that HELP you sleep would come in handy lately. ;-)
(sorry to be a blog hog, sheesh, this is more than I've typed in days)
Hi Kathy:
I have had some wonderful friends email me some online courses--for ME, when I had expressed on the blog the idea of taking some physics classes. Maybe that is a way to supplement. As for socialization . . . I don't know. I don;t have any answers yet. There are sports, clubs, etc. Many questions to ponder. I am interested, as I said, in what others say.
In the back of my mind . . . this is also a philosophy thing. I know there are "rules." But you know what? We get ONE shot through this life. I don't want anarchy. But I don't want to follow the rules simply because they are there, you know?
E
Lainey:
My God, we sound so alike. Yes, yes, yes. We are living parallel lives, my friend.
E
When my son was young, he went to a private alternative school - it was a great environment, very small and supportive classes and extremely nurturing. He had to leave after a few years because we moved but I was worried anyway because I worked with a girl who'd done all her schooling there and she said that while it was a fantastic place she really had trouble adjusting to the "real" world when she left. She'd never learn people could be competitive and ruthless and downright bitchy. She ended up dropping out of uni because she couldn't cope.
I think it's a really hard call because kids do have to learn to get along with all kinds of people. On the other hand, I think I learnt at school how to coast along and do the absolute minimum to get by and it's been a constant challenge for me in life to overcome that.
Hi Kathryn:
Again, part of me thinks . . . "Toughen them up? Show them how stupid people are? How racist and cold and uncaring? By exposing them at 10 and 11 and 12 to a micro example of the world at large"? I hear you . . . definitely. But then . . . there are always outside-the-box thinkers who NEVER conform and do okay.
Sigh. You know it's a LOT easier when it's YOU who suffers. Not your kids. This teacher is personally repugnant to me. I shudder when I think of him sitting in that class.
E
I felt really out of place at school. I mainly wrote short stories during classes, I rarely did homework. In some areas I skimmed by grades wise because I was so freaking bored.
I think I would have done better in a class that moved a bit faster. I know some people do really great in their classes and just skim through without paying much attention, but some smart people don't pay attention and miss a lot of information.
So in some classes I was making A's and B's like anything English or Lit related, some classes I was making B's like history. And some classes I was barely scraping by like math and science because they are so detail intensive but the class moved so slow I couldn't make myself pay attention to it.
I just zoned, daydreamed, and wrote. And somehow at the end of it I always skimmed through, in some classes better than others.
Later when I went back to college, granted it was community college but I was paying attention and wanted to be there, I had a 4.0 without studying. I was picking everything up in class and didn't understand how at community college some people were really struggling.
Now there's the crux, it's easy to take these situations ourselves, not so easy to watch helplessly as our kids tackle them.
I had my kid in the local Catholic school, I was a catholic school kid myself and that was comfortable to me... but through some disagreements with the principal/pastor, I decided it was better to take them out this year and put them in the local public (also a good school system but complete shock for me... because I've never dealt with the public school system before).
My daughter is in fourth grade and she drives me to absolute distraction.. she's very bright, ridiculously creative, and lazy as all get out... in essence, she's me. There are differences, she is the center of the room, does stand up routines for fun, and revels in looking silly and outlandish if it makes people laugh... I was introverted and only opened up around my friends... Schoolwise, I sailed through without really trying until high school, when I completely stopped paying attention - I wrapped myself up in books and my art courses and barely even cracked anything close to studying in any class... just skirting through and happy at that... When my ACT's came back on the high end my art teacher actually hugged me... my theology teacher was all glowy and it was the first I realized that these people didn't know I was smart - the friggin nerve... how would they, though? I never tried and they weren't mind readers...
I see my daughter heading down that path and I have become drill sargent extrordinaire about making her do her work... she doesn't even read the chapters and gets A's and B's... which she figures is fine... but I know her, I am her - you cannot be creative without work ethic. You just wind up a bum. If anything, us creative types need more work ethic because no one's going to force you to get the work done... right now she makes her own movie scripts and has reams of comics and handwritten stories - she's even teaching herself to type to make them more impressive... but I think she also has to put the schoolwork first...
As far as how the school system is coping with her, I think they're doing okay, but like me I don't think they realized at first that she wasn't trying... the teacher thought she was bright, but didn't know that she wasn't reading the damn text... she also has a habit of not paying attention in class and still getting the answers right, which is impressive and yet I can't help but worry the less she works now the more behind she'll find herself later.
All of this is basically a way of saying, some kids are bright but their intelligence isn't necessarily conducive to formal education... it's one size fits all and they're a little out of the box... but that's okay, because they'll always be out of the box and the world will largely be one size fits all - so I think the creative kids need to learn how to work within these constraints and know when they can break them as well...
By the way, there's a blogger I know, Silken, who homeschools and is just all around excellent... I've known her for a few years. If you like, I can drop you her link - I'm sure she'd be happy to point you to resources and fill you in on anything you'd like to know.
I am not a fan of home school. ALL the kids I know (3 neighbors and 5 cousins) who are/were home schooled are terribly backward socially. So much so that they stick out in social situations with kids who go to public/private schools.
My oldest son who's 10 and in 5th grade had always gotten good grades, tests advanced for math and last year made honor roll every 1/4.
But this year he had a teacher who was more interested in being an administrator than being a teacher and it showed. She turned my bright above grade level kid into one who was approaching grade level & in some subjects failing (on his report card). I raised a fuss w/ the teacher, w/ the principal and finally with the school district. It was like beating my head against a wall. And I was not alone, there were at least 5 other parents who had gone the same route I had over this teacher-all of us have boys. Hummm.
I think we finally wore her down, she ended up taking an administrative position at a high school. My son says his new teacher is so much more helpful and he is doing better.
My advice... if you're not getting any where w/ the teacher go to the prinipal, no help there? Go to the district-if anything maybe you can get him into another class or another school. Don't give up.
Oh, and yes I was definitly a round peg, so is my son. But the lesson was that not every situation is ideal and true growth comes from dealing with difficulty not from skating on through. He may have an employer, coworker or another teacher that doesn't quite get him but it's up to him to learn how to deal with it. It's hard to watch and not try to smooth the way for them but I can't do that when he's 45, it would be just too weird.
Good luck.
I didn't fit well in grade school or high school, mostly for social reasons (I was a dweeb). I don't think switching schools, or switching between public and private schools, would have made a difference.
I also don't believe in home schooling, because most parents are not capable of standing in for a group of teachers, each one a subject specialist. Not to mention other school resources and activities, and the interaction with other students.
As for bad teachers, I think they're part of growing up. There will be more bad teachers in college (along with great ones and everything inbetween). There will be bad bosses in the workplace. Bad neighbors . . . I think the solution to inadequacy in the school is supplemental work at home, rather than home schooling.
In your case the decision is easy because you don't have time for another full time job.
zoe:
I can clearly remember being in second grade and feeling a SCREAM inside me. I didn't let it out, but it was the beginning of the ball of fury and frustration. I remember it--a kid was reading aloud "Green Eggs and Ham"--which I had mastered years before. And he was struggling. And I wasn't compassionate or tolerant or anything. I was FURIOUS that I was being forced to listen to someone who couldn't read . . . read aloud and it was so "dumb." Of course now I realize what a horrid little creature I was. But yes, most of my school life was very much about that feeling. I knew people struggled, but I still didn't REALLY understand.
Merry:
Wow . . . thank you for the insights. I could not even begin to imagine Catholic school (my Dad was and is an atheist). But the comment is the same--you're right. The world is a one size fits all place. And maybe some of what I am so frustrated about is . . . I hate that. And I don't "participate" in that sense. As a working writer, you get to bypass all that one size fits all stuff. I don't do PTA. I don't do ANYTHING where I am required to "work and play well with tohers"--and if you visit past blogs, all my kids are creative and have kind of targeted careers off the beaten path (as much as they can at their ages). Thank you so much for your thoughts. Mademe think!
E
Beth:
I have, a couple of times, already butted heads with this school. And with the wider "school system"--with an incident with my oldest daughter. In her case, the principal was a really nice man, so in the end it worked out.
I think some of this calls for me, personally, to just sit back for a few days and catch my breath and see what I REALLY feel, not what's a reactive feel. Offline a good friend suggested I maybe take some online courses with him in things we both are interested in--taught by college professors. She had sent me the link in January. Fun college classes we could do on the computer together. So that may be what I do to "test" the waters as far as supplementing what's going on in school. Then I can figure out what to do next.
Your advice . . . is sage. I really hear you on taking it to the next step.
As an aside . . . I hear you about socialization. But I have to be really honest with you. If you are an "odd duck" so to speak, the kind who is different . . . such as the kid who tests out of the ballpark in math--just off the charts--AND who has quirky interests, AND who doesn't like sports as a male . . . or you are (like me), off the charts and then weirdly creative, and inherently shy and so on . . . you are NEVER going to fit in. Homeschooling isn't going to "make or break" that, I don't think. I still can BARELY . . . force myself to go to parent-teacher conferences. I have to make conversation on a level I find so false. It's hard for me. Just a "step" outside the norm. So sometimes . . . I don't think school verus homeschool makes the difference. I think some of it is . . . just who you are.
E
stephen:
Well, you know me enough to know I could hack it subject-wise. But no, I really DON'T need another job in addition to all the hats I already wear.
ALL . . .
Thank you. I really appreciated all the different insights I got here and also those lurkers who emailed me. All food for thought.
I don't "feel" any better, or have any better answer. But I feel a little less panicked, knowing I have choices.
Your kindness humbles me. Thanks.
E
I'm coming late to this blog, but I daydreamed my way through grade school. In high school, I started skipping classes, but I'd always come on days we were having a test. Tests counted for grades and I could skate through them.
My son wasn't a skater -- I wish he was. He had a minor learning disability (which we didn't know at the time). But he also has the knack of getting along with people, and his teachers in grade school were great with him. High school was different. (That's when we found out about his learning disability from one of the counselors.)
But HS is more of a meat factory, and they couldn't take time for people who needed a little extra help. He ended up leaving a year early -- but he went on to take college classes, and has a great paying job doing what he likes. He only needs a couple math and science classes to get his BA. He plans on going back for that so he can get into management.
It worked out in the end, but those school years weren't easy for him or for us. I feel for you for your son. I know what some of what you're going through.
Erica --
Look into the schooling laws in your state, especially as they pertain to gifted kids. Gifted education IS special ed, just the other end of the spectrum from what we usually think of as gifted. You need to be as educated about gifted ed as possible; you need to advocate for your son until you're blue in the face -- and even then, you keep going.
There's no reason why your son should have teachers he doesn't get along with. Yes, there's a certain amount of "play the game" involved here (I have to tell my seven-year-old this!), but once you figure out what your state's laws are and how the school should be working harder, you'll be in a position to make sure your son gets the education he needs.
I know we haven't met yet (Hi! I'm Susan.), but if you need help, drop me a line. I've got TWO gifted kids; they are not the reward many people think they are.
As for homeschooling, I wouldn't do it. First of all, you've got a life and a career. Secondly, gifted kids REALLY need that social interaction they get in school. Plus, once we get your son in with the right people, they'll be better able to take him to new places, intellectually.
Hang in there. I know your pain both as a writer and as a mom. (as a writer, I never fit in, either. Still don't. Stopped caring awhile ago. I am who I am and everyone else can just deal.)
Erica, My 17-year-old son is gifted also and I homeschooled him until he was ten then sent him to school for three years and pulled him out again but he is back for the last two years of school before going to college. That way he has had both kinds of schooling.
I completely disagree with those who bring up the issue of socialization. My son gets on with everyone from babies to old, doddery peole in rest homes. He went everywhere with me while being homeschooled because life is the greatest education, so he met people of all ages while at school he was forced to associate only with those of his own age group and he always prefered those older or much younger. It is up to the homeschooling mother to make sure he's out there in the world and not cooped up at home. We did about an hour of formal lessons a day until he was ten and when he entered school, he was ahead of the other kids. There has been research done that shows that a child can learn in 40 minutes at home what a child at school learns in a full day at school. And I proved that with my son. The rest of the day, he was simply learning about life, playing with friends, having chill out time. He is now a strong, independent child who makes his own decisions based on analysis of the facts.
For the two high school years he was homeschooled, my husband and I took three subjects each and set his work on Saturday, corrected his last week's work and let him be during the week. He did his schoolwork in his own time in his own way and always had it ready for us on each saturday. he also took outside lessons for art, tennis and guitar lessons. He walked or cycled to these lessons by himself. I worked almost fulltime during this period.
He is back in school now and does the minimum possible to get excellent results. This, of course, annoys his teachers but they can't dispute the results he gets. He is aiming for architecture at college and he knows what he has to do to get there and will do that. At school, he has learned to play the game and take what he needs out of the system and to leave the rest.
In summary, I never found homeschooling hard and it certainly didn't require much work on my part. I found I was naturally teaching him all the time with most of the subjects we discussed as a matter of course during the day. Homeschooling is not for every parent and certainly not for every child. But I would definitely look at it for a gifted child.
Long winded, I know, but as you can see, I feel passionately about the subject. My son is the proof that homeschooling works.
susan:
Thank you! :-) I have three gifted kids, and then the baby--who shows signs of being smarter than all of them if what they each knew and did at age 2 is any indication. And I know that it is special ed from the other direction. I think the thing is he probably has some organizational challenges that are running in direct head-butting to this teacher. But the bottom line is I think she's rude . . . and I need to muddle through this mess.
E
suzanne:
I am very grateful for the insights you added. You know, people have said to me, "Well, if your kids go through the school system they learn to live with bullies and this kind of person and that kind of person." But you know, in REAL life, if we were bullied on the job, we'd take it up with HR. We have channels. So I don't necessarily see that schools are this great place to learn how the world works.
He's not being bullied. I just use that as an example. I know he could get social stuff elsewhere. And he's a very personable fellow. So I don't know. Much to ponder. I think I am very emotional this weekend because two of my kids are sick, and I have some personal stuff going on, so I need this teacher like I need the proverbial hole in the head.
I so appreciate your insights.
E
You are so right, Erica. There is almost nowhere else in life except perhaps prison and the armed forces, where you can't get out of a bad situation by making that choice yourself - even if it's a difficult one to make. Children are forced to stay in school with no say about it. I have always found that barbaric. Kids do not learn about life in school. They learn about it outside the four walls of the classroom. What they learn in school is that they have no power, that they must hand that over to the teacher who then has the power to approve or not approve and so mould their self-esteem. How we see ourselves when we are young depends on how others treat us. If a child is treated with love, he will think he is worthy of love. If he is treated with derision, he will soon learn to bow low and dumb himself down to fit the mould of what the world wants of him. Children learn this very well in school - to knuckle under and conform. It is very difficult for loving parents at home to undo the harm that is done at school with the few hours they have with them in the evenings. The children who thrive at school are those who are liked by the teachers and who achieve within certain parameters. Those who question too much or are seen to be disruptive and too individualistic have a hard time. Those are the ones who should be homeschooled because school will do nothing but harm to them and no one learns in a negative, non-caring environment anyway.
OK, off my bandwagon.
Suzanne:
YES. That is it . . . my feelings precisely.
E
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