Are You a Hermit?
I admit it, when I am hunkered down for a deadline, I am a hermit. I emerge from my house for nothing. I chain myself to my computer. I am in my head and in my characters' lives 24/7.
And so which is it? Chicken or egg?
Because here's what's going on in my life. My Baby Girl, whom you all know as a poet and a sweet child, is being bullied by a couple of older girls in my neighborhood, led by the Queen Mean Girl herself. It's enough to make me vomit. And make me put my house on the market, and if it wasn't such a downturn, I swear to you the For Sale sign would be in my yard.
But my immediate reaction is pull my kids in close. Don't talk to neighbors. Close ranks. I generally LIKE hermithood. I genuninely LIKE my fake world in my fake stories. Stick me in the attic like Jo. So did I become a writer because I had this tendency to avoid "real" people for the company of "fake" ones? Or is it part and parcel of BEING a writer?
I don't know. But tell me, blog pals . . . are you hermits?
And so which is it? Chicken or egg?
Because here's what's going on in my life. My Baby Girl, whom you all know as a poet and a sweet child, is being bullied by a couple of older girls in my neighborhood, led by the Queen Mean Girl herself. It's enough to make me vomit. And make me put my house on the market, and if it wasn't such a downturn, I swear to you the For Sale sign would be in my yard.
But my immediate reaction is pull my kids in close. Don't talk to neighbors. Close ranks. I generally LIKE hermithood. I genuninely LIKE my fake world in my fake stories. Stick me in the attic like Jo. So did I become a writer because I had this tendency to avoid "real" people for the company of "fake" ones? Or is it part and parcel of BEING a writer?
I don't know. But tell me, blog pals . . . are you hermits?
Labels: writer quirks
posted by Erica Orloff at 7:16 PM
27 Comments:
I am. I go to the gym. I often eat out for lunch. I take guitar lessons. Other than my family and my dog, I'm pretty much a stay-in-the-office guy. I suspect even when I worked in an office I was a bit hermit like, but definitely.
Bummer about the bullies. Sign her up for tae kwon do or some other martial art.
I'm definitely a hermit. Being a writer has only helped me become a professional one with better excuses. I go out when obligation forces me to. Strange thing though I always have fun when I do go out. Eh.
The other thing, I second what Mark suggested. Get her some lessons. My mom's theory is that if you beat the crap out of one they all leave you alone. She grew up in South Central L.A., she'd know.
Totally, see if she'll go to Tae Kwon Do with you guys. Not even so she can defend herself, just for the confidence in her ability to defend herself, you know? Just that can make a difference.
I'm sorry about that, though. Poor thing. Kids can be so cruel to each other. Why to someone so sweet, I have no idea.
Guess I'm a hermit. With no DH it more drives me crazy than makes me happy. Right now I'm crazy to get out of the house and talk to anyone, LOL, but with gas prices, I feel like I shouldn't.
I don't know which came first, the need to live in my own head or the writing, but it seems to be a common trait for us writerly types... If I had to guess, I'd say most of us tend toward being introverted naturally because that tends to be one of the qualities of kids who like to read - and most writers started there.
I actually was very social before the kids, I'd just take my journal with me and write at restaurants or whatever. Now I tend to touch base with my friends via phone or email and my socializing revolves around what I'm doing with the kids (which is not the same thing really... some of the parents are really great, but it's still not the same as hanging out with friends you chose for friendship sake).
Okay, baby girl, that's a toughy. It's so much harder to see your kids go through it, I'd rather take it myself. My daughter had a similiar problem this year. I switched them from the very small catholic school to the local public and she had a few girls give her a hard time, I think just to see if they could...
Luckily, my daughter did not inherit my introvert gene. She told them to knock it off and then started slinging the insults back (not what I would've advized probably - and I only know this because another mother called me to fill me in on what her daughter heard, my own daughter didn't mention it)...
Her way worked though. By the end of the year, they all hung out together at lunch and recess.
Mark:
She takes ninjitsu and LOVES it. Her sensai is AWESOME!!!!
E
mel:
LOL! Yes, being a writer gives me an excuse for hermithood.
:-)
As a Buddhist, not sure I can go with the solution. ;-) But my DAD sure could if he knew. He''s Kitchen. Kind of like South Central.
:-)
E
spy:
Being a hermit saves me on gas--definitely!
E
merry:
Baby Girl is pretty sensitive . . . just not in her nature, you know. But I sure admire your daughter for sticking to her guns. Bravo for her.
E
Merry, adn everyone:
As a P.S. to all of it . . . people REALLY need to be aware of cyberbullying. It's awful and some parents are CLUELESS.
E
Erica,
Absolutely! The local highschool did a three day seminar with experts invited to speak on bullying, peer pressure, drug use - one whole night was devoted to bullying, mostly cyberbullying.
It's worse than anything we had going on when we were teens. Part of the problem is these kids, from behind their keyboard, disassociate with the damage they're doing - so even the weakest kid who whould never say boo to someone in person, might ruin another kid's life online and cyberwise.
Seriously an issue every parent needs to know about! A lot of parents don't think they need to worry yet, because they're child is too young to use chat rooms and whatnot... kids today have cell phones at nine and are online at their schools and libraries even if they're not in your home. You're keeping them alot safer if you have an open dialogue about it, than if you ignore it hoping it won't happen to yours.
Erica,
Baby girl isn't being cyber bullied, is she?
I'm a complete and total hermit. I am a short walk to the beach--and haven't been there since last summer--sometimes a week will go by and I haven't even made it to my backyard. But I also used to be a flight attendant,which is pretty much the opposite of a hermit- so which came first- the tendency or my chosen career- I don't know.
Though I am VERY SORRY about the bullies. I was bullied by a group of older girls from 3rd grade to 8th grade- it inspired my book ART GEEKS AND PROM QUEENS- so something good came out of it- but still, at the time, it was like a living hell.
Sending good vibes your way . . .
I'm a most of the time hermit with a side of social anxiety and a pinch of agoraphobia.
Totally employable. ;-)
And hugs to your girl...
Alyson:
That is so admirable you were able to channel the experiences into a book all those years later (and not telling who you might help through it, too).
E
Heather:
LOL! This is the only job I am qualified to do, too. :-)
E
I schedule time to be social otherwise I never would be. I'm perfectly happy to watch my characters live out their lives.
I was tormented by a girl all of
7th grade. The first day of 8th grade, I came walking down the hall and saw her sitting outside the art room--the one place in school where I fit in--and she started in. No one else was around, just she and I. And I don't know how or why, the words just tumbled out:
"I'm over it Lisa."
She never looked twice at me again.
Sex:
LOL . . . I schedule my "girls' nights to force myself out of the house. I am unfailingly polite, so if I commit to it, then I go through with it.
And good for you. I am amazed at how many "mean girl" stories there are.
A hermit? Yes and no. Yes, I love to be alone at home with no interruptions, even for a full weekend. But I would hate for that to be my life. I need to know my family are coming back.
I do everything possible to get out of going to parties of any kind but enjoy having dinner with good friends. So a mixture.
I am so sorry about your daughter. I would want to go to those girls and let them know what I will do to them if they ever again say a thing out of place to my daughter. In other words, threaten them. And to hell with the consequences. I will always take the heat away from my son in whatever way I have to. Other kids don't dare bully him - he can always hold his own, but it's the adults that take advantage of their authority to bully in a different way. I will continue to step in to defend him until he has the age and authority of his own to fight back.
Hi Suzanne:
A mother is partially behind it. So . . . no. I really think we're going to close ranks, keep her close, seek out her church friends and girls who are worthy of our Baby Girl. Oldest Daughter has been a model of intelligence and kindness and dignity through this. Oldest, in 7th grade, was bullied--and I think it affected her for a long time. Now, she has great wisdom.
And ture--by hermit, I want my babies around me!!!
:-)E
I'm late in commenting on this (multiple deadlines). But, yes, I'm a hermit. The Husband says I'm anti-social, but I'm really not. I love being with people, just not often.
As for the bullying, my daughter had a neighborhood girl bully her. I confronted the girl and when that didn't work, I confronted the parents. They whined about their daughter having a hard time adjusting when they moved there (over a year ago). I told them to deal with it or I'd get a restraining order. I'm not normally very confrontational. But when it comes to my kid, I'm ferocious.
Hi Liz:
It's hard with kids. You "think" any parent with a brain is going to have boundaries, expectations of compassion and kindness, and so on. But then the longer you parent, the more you meet who really don't . . . which makes me more hermit-like.
Oh, and I LOVE people too. I'm an outgoing hermit. Like you, I very much enjoy people. I love parties (having a poker game tomorrow). Just in limited doses.
E
FF again. Yes, I'm a hermit. I work all day at the house as a translator and HATE to go out of the house in the evening. If people want to see me, they come and visit me. ;-)
hmmm, I am a hermit right now, though not by choice. I don't currently have a car so my transportation and human contact is pretty limited. Though I'm pretty outgoing when I'm around people I don't think I've ever really gone out of my way to be social all the time, so I'm closer to hermit on the hermit scale than social butterfly, but not super hermit-y. Wow, that rambled. But yes, often I prefer my fake characters.
I'm halfway in love with Anthony right now. My husband should be jealous.
Erica, I've always been comfortable alone. I'm always surprised when I meet someone that dislikes being alone for any length of time. I love visiting my grandkids, and spending time with my family. I'm also quite happy at home with my stories and books the rest of the time. The first part of my life was loud and busy, and I'm loving the second half. The quiet life is the best.
FF:
I also don't answer my phone.
E
Zoe:
FEEL BETTER. I read about your cutches escapade!
E
Ladonna:
Since Demon Baby is just a toddler, I figure I will be close to 70 before I have any real quiet.
E
Post a Comment
<< Home