Things You Discover on a Day Off
Been working too hard lately, so I took my kids away for a couple of days. I missed them in the way you can live in the same house but not really be "there."
I discovered my Oldest Son can do math calculations in his head with numbers and multiplication up to 50 MILLION. That's 50,000,000. In his head. Without having to stop and appear to think about it. Just . . . like I add 2 + 2.
I discovered he also loves prime numbers.
I didn't know these things.
I also discovered the reason he likes playing video games is he can stop thinking about math for a while. Same reason he's absent-minded in school. He's too busy thinking about numbers.
That's the thing with taking a day off. You give it a rest. You discover new things that have nothing to do with work. You discover things about you . . . and your family that maybe you didn't know.
On vacation, I actually usually take stock. I decide... "This isn't working for me, time to try something new." Or I think about goals. But in a way that's less a to-do list and more about dreaming.
Because life, for all of us, can get to be about to-do lists and bank accounts and the mind-numbing routine . .. and not about the stuff that makes us happy.
I decided I'm not connecting with my kids enough in meaningful ways. I feel BAD that I didn't know what my son can do. Or maybe it's so normal to him, he didn't think to mention it. Either way, last night made me sad . . . and I need to make sure I connect. Maybe I would never have known just how high he can calculate if we didn't sit out on a swing and look for stars.
It's good to shake up the routine once in a while. So. . . what does vacation look like to you? And is it a break from WRITING or do you ever really and truly get away from it, being as you carry around the stories in your head anyway?
I discovered my Oldest Son can do math calculations in his head with numbers and multiplication up to 50 MILLION. That's 50,000,000. In his head. Without having to stop and appear to think about it. Just . . . like I add 2 + 2.
I discovered he also loves prime numbers.
I didn't know these things.
I also discovered the reason he likes playing video games is he can stop thinking about math for a while. Same reason he's absent-minded in school. He's too busy thinking about numbers.
That's the thing with taking a day off. You give it a rest. You discover new things that have nothing to do with work. You discover things about you . . . and your family that maybe you didn't know.
On vacation, I actually usually take stock. I decide... "This isn't working for me, time to try something new." Or I think about goals. But in a way that's less a to-do list and more about dreaming.
Because life, for all of us, can get to be about to-do lists and bank accounts and the mind-numbing routine . .. and not about the stuff that makes us happy.
I decided I'm not connecting with my kids enough in meaningful ways. I feel BAD that I didn't know what my son can do. Or maybe it's so normal to him, he didn't think to mention it. Either way, last night made me sad . . . and I need to make sure I connect. Maybe I would never have known just how high he can calculate if we didn't sit out on a swing and look for stars.
It's good to shake up the routine once in a while. So. . . what does vacation look like to you? And is it a break from WRITING or do you ever really and truly get away from it, being as you carry around the stories in your head anyway?
Labels: vacation
posted by Erica Orloff at 10:56 AM
25 Comments:
Ha! My son can do calculations in his head up to 50,000,001. So there. Plus, he can send nearly that many text messages per month.
Yanno, my friend Rinda and I both posted about the effects of summer and mommy guilt today! Weird.
Your son sounds amazing. And he looks verra handsome with his new haircut. (Demon baby looks cute, too!)
To me a vacation is a view and no housework. A vacation could include writing, or not, depending.
I take time during the week, if not every day, to try to connect with my kids -- and the strangest things are talked about when we're looking for stars -- or watching our favorite reality tv show.
Sometimes a break is really just a redirection in your priorities and thoughts, it lets you get back to the real reason you do what you do - so you can be the best person/mom/partner/friend you can be.
Kudos Erica!
Your son is absent-minded in school because he's too busy thinking about numbers???
Get your ass (and especially his ass) to a mathematics professor you can trust and assess his abilities instamatically.
Ha! See, I knew you could have a life if only you tried.
What Stephen said. That's amazing. Don't beat yourself up for not knowing; you know NOW. If you decided against this vacation you still wouldn't know, so your decision helped everyone.
Since quitting my job & moving to Mexico, I haven't felt much need for a vacation but my husband and I are going to Acapulco for a week next month. HE needs the break, I'm just happy to get away from cleaning.
That is so amazing about your son. Seems like each of your children is extraordinary in their own way... just like their mother :)
Vacation allows me to sit back and reassess... the day-to-day life is a lot of "doing" punctuated by sleep. But the space of a vacation is where I get into "being", where I get to choose whom I want to be in and about my life. The doing of things is great and allows me to accomplish my goals... but whom I am being about the doing is where I get to choose to be happy.
Whom I am being, drives what I am doing, which allows me to have the things in my life that I want.
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I don't think I have the ability to turn OFF the stories in my head. Writing is my daydreaming. I'm thinking of characters, what ifs, but sometimes those don't turn out to be stories just something to keep my mind busy.
I can turn it DOWN to where I'm plugged into the real world.
Does that make sense?
And, yeah, sometimes you have to remind yourself to connect to the people around you, especially your children. But I don't think that's a writing parent thing. I think that's an ordinary parent thing.
Again, does that make sense.
Fancy having numbers swimming about in your head. I prefer having my action stories in there.
We holiday every year back to Italy with a side trip to another country on the way or once we get there. It's a great time to catch up with each other. On our last road trip up to Venice, I helped Dario plan his whole school design project he would be doing the next term. I learnt that even though he resists my ideas as inferior to his, they turn up in his work. We women have to be subtle in all areas of our life - that way we triumph.
A couple of things:
First--you're a loving person and it makes me sad to see guilt in this writing. We all do our best. Your best is very, very good.
Second-- THis is powerful: I also discovered the reason he likes playing video games is he can stop thinking about math for a while. This statement is powerful. Did I say that already? Research will prove this correct, and then some (for ADD kids as well.)
Third--Congrats on this wonderful discovery!!! My oldest son is similar. Won't go into it, but have you looked into Johns Hopkins Center for Talented Youth? My oldest made it in (talk about Mommy guilt, he qualified, but I haven't registered him yet for any courses). I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. Many courses are online (which is hte route we're going. Thing 1 scored in the top 1percent nationwide on math. I haven't done anything yet.... Damn. Except get him into this program, which he isn't in yet, I'm babbling, I'll stop)
I love your pics in the post below. But sad to see the beautiful long hair go.
Jude:
LOL. Smart kid. :-)
E
Heather--
Must check out your blog. MAJOR mama guilt today. :-)
E
Hi Amy:
I decided. . . vacation CENTERS me.
E
Stephen:
I knew he was a math genius from test scores and math teacher feedback. But just WHAT he was doing in that brain, I didn't know. I already decided to get him a math/physics tutor and just let him have fun learning more--I know just the guy . . . great for him.
E
MARK:
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for that. Yes, apparently I do have a life.
Sort of.
E
Melanie:
I hear ya. I hate those activities of daily living.
E
eowh:
VERY similar. An assessing time.
E
Mel:
I hear you. I have quieted the writing brain a bit this vacation, which is unusual for me.
Chris:
I've been approached about that program for him a couple of times. But didn't really know what it was all about. Thanks!
E
P.S. And I know guilt is unhealthy, but . . . I know I am way too busy.
Suzanne:
We women are so clever. ;-)
E
I get like that with music. Whenever it's around, I hear it intensely. I'm getting away from the habit, but it's hard to control. The silence has become oppressive, though, so I'm learning balance.
I go to movies to shut up the stories.
And talk about EVIDENCE, let's see that awful teacher from last year do what your son can do!!!
Erica, embrace the fact that you had an enlightening day with your kids. Okay, feel a little sad, but only for a couple of minutes, then embrace it all, and them.
Kids will always amaze us, from the time they first raise their little heads and beyond.
Cool Beans on the math whiz kid! And on knowing a tutor to help him explore at his own pace. I always, always got bored in math class because they moved soooooooo slow.
Guilt is a waste of time and energy. Living in today, for today, completely absorbed in this moment is a good use of time and energy. I'm still practicing this art.
I have a nephew who amazed me at two when I took him to a Disney movie, and he sounded out and then read the name of the movie theatre without me noticing what he was doing.*
I remember swearing out loud... @#$%, kid... how do you know that?
He's never been an easy kid for my sister, and I know that many geniuses only let you into their world rarely. So I'm certain that you've done a terrific job (as has my sister).
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He also had this weird thing for Jeopardy and Alex Trebek when he was two (all those letters making questions!), and a few othereccentricities.
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