Monday, August 25, 2008

How Extraordinary Are You?

We all have the extraordinary coded within us, waiting to be released.
~Jean Houston

Every day, I tell my children they are destined for great things.

"How do you know?" Oldest asks.

"I just do," is my usual reply.

It never--not ever, not for a moment--dawns on me that my children might lead "ordinary" lives. Lives of quiet desperation, lives of monotony. I don't know why it never occurs to me that this might happen, but it doesn't. It's just not on my radar map. Everything I do for them, every waking moment, every sacrifice or time or money, is with that thought in mind.

Now . . . I have to say that I don't think being "extraordinary" means fame and fortune. But I DO think it means finding your passion and pursuing it. Waking each day--or most days--with a sense of purpose. Filling your life with people you don't just "like" but LOVE down to your core. There are so many people in my life that I can look in the eye and say, "I love you." Male friends, female friends. I close my conversations with my Pammie (my best friend), my sister in Texas (boo-hoo) with "I love you." I say it easily to my parents. I say it and MEAN it with so many people because frankly, I don't have TIME for lukewarm relationships in my life. If we get one go-'round, I want to LOVE the people in my life, not pass time with them.

When I first started doing volunteer work, my father, in particular, said poverty couldn't be beaten. That some kids were just going to be hard-wired to make the same mistakes their parents did simply because they had no options. I never believed that. There were DAYS when I went into the 'hood and thought, "You are losing this battle"--but then I would rephrase it. Maybe I lost a battle or two, but not the war. Now, my parents are very interested in my causes and my mom even knits beautiful hats and baby blankets for children who will have a cold winter this year without them. She bought food for seniors struggling to make ends meet last Christmas, which I then delivered. In my mom's own way, she's in the battle.

So it is with writing. I wonder--I really wonder--how many of us had ONE teacher, grandmother, parent, or person who read something we wrote and said, "You know, you are a very good writer . . . you should pursue this."

Think about that. How much "extraordinary" can be unlocked with encouragement? Oh, there's tons of hard work. Don't believe for a second the hard work doesn't FOLLOW the key unlocking the extraordinary . . . but if we all went through life recognizing extraordinary, think of the world.

I mentored an unwed teen mother who delivered her baby and went to school the next day to take finals. She had a second baby. She faced hardship, struggle, and living places that terrified me for her. She is now a nurse. She graduated in May. She is a hero of mine. We spent a couple of years together, every week a part of my life. I love her.

So I say to everyone reading this . . . YOU are extraordinary. Believe it. Own it.

And tell me . . . how extraordinary are you? And who unlocked that key?

Have a beautiful day.

E

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28 Comments:

Blogger Mark Terry said...

You and I seem to be channeling each other. Today I thought as I walked Frodo: Something great is going to happen to you this week. Something big, something wonderful, something extraordinary. Probably several somethings.

I threw that out to the universe.

And first thing today my novel The Serpent's Kiss appeared on a top 10 list by a book reviewer.

Sometimes we ALL have to throw that out to the universe--I want something--I EXPECT something--extraordinary to happen.

Yeah, yeah, maybe it's just our interpretation, caused by a change of mindset.

To which I say: so what?

The ordinary can be extraordinary.

10:06 AM, August 25, 2008  
Blogger Erica Orloff said...

Mark:
What a wonderful thing! Yes . . . I do believe expectation can change things.

Continue having an extraordinary week.

:-)
E

10:12 AM, August 25, 2008  
Anonymous Amy Nathan said...

I believe, and often say, we get one trip around the block - don't waste it. That's different for every person. I try to live without regret. That's also different depending on your point of view.

I cannot spend time on lukewarm relationships either. I can't mingle my way through life.

As for extraordinary - sometimes that's hard to wrap my head around - but needs to be a belief in each of us. I know it - and I insist on it in others. I have more trouble with myself.

10:18 AM, August 25, 2008  
Blogger ChrisEldin said...

I soooo agree with you about positive affirmations. I think we don't spend enough time acknowledging the good in one another, as well as in ourselves.

I just dropped my kids off at school. It's their first day at a new school, and I know both of them are feeling overwhelmed. You have given me an idea to do something for them... thank you for that!

Your story about the relationship you had with the teenager touched me. You probably did much more for her than you realize.

10:28 AM, August 25, 2008  
Blogger Erica Orloff said...

Hi Amy:
Believe it--you're great! :-) And I've read your work . . . extraordinary. I still remember that one Hallmark/ornament line! Brilliant observation.

E

10:36 AM, August 25, 2008  
Blogger Zoe Winters said...

My mom always told me "You can be anything you want to be."

And my 8th grade Lit teacher really encouraged the writing thing. She told me she had a friend who was a published romance novelist. At the time I turned up my nose at it cause romance novels weren't real books. :P (yeah, the indoctrination was strong even in 8th grade. The snobbery starts young.)

Of course now I'm writing romance, oops. But I love writing "fake" romance novels, lol.

10:39 AM, August 25, 2008  
Blogger Erica Orloff said...

Hi Chris:
Baby Girl changes schools, too, to a gifted program, and she is a wreck. It's not been an easy summer for her at all--mean girl sh*t, Oldest Sister leaving, me very pressed time-wise because of oldest leaving . . . so I am spending the week working on extraordinary.

E

10:39 AM, August 25, 2008  
Blogger Erica Orloff said...

Hi Zoe:
I had a number of encouraging English teachers. They were great and definitely impacted my life.

E

10:40 AM, August 25, 2008  
Blogger Marcia Colette said...

I've been laying the foundation for an upcoming extraordinary moment in my personal life. Believe it or not, my coworkers unlocked the key and I love them to pieces for it. At least, today I do. Can't say that when we're under a deadline. ;-) Since then, the support has been coming from people I'd least expect and by the truckload.

11:09 AM, August 25, 2008  
Blogger Edie said...

Erica, great blog! Usually I'm a positive person, but I just read today's Publisher's Marketplace Lunch, and it had gloomy news for the business, leaving me feeling gloomy. This blog was just what I needed.

Love Mark's comments too. I wrote them down, and when I walk my dog today, I'm going to think something extraordinary will happen this week. :)

11:09 AM, August 25, 2008  
Blogger Erica Orloff said...

Marcia:
Go for it! How terrific!
E

11:19 AM, August 25, 2008  
Blogger Erica Orloff said...

edie:
I didn't read it . . . I am blissfully aware of possibility today.

:-)
E

11:20 AM, August 25, 2008  
Blogger Alyson Noel said...

I had an amazing English teacher in high school who read one of my short stories to the class (I had handed it in instead of the Tolstoy critical essay)- he praised it- and graded it as though it were the essay (gave me an A!). At the time I really really really needed that. I was lost- just drifting through my life- and it made such a huge difference in the way I felt about myself. And when my first book was published, I thanked him in the acknowledgments, dropped by the school (where he was still working!), and gave him a copy!
Definitely one of my best days ever!

11:42 AM, August 25, 2008  
Blogger Erica Orloff said...

alyson:
That is so totally awesome!!!

You know . . . reading your post reminded me of our favorite David Sedaris. Remember when he assigned "guessays" about soap operas? LOL!
E

11:51 AM, August 25, 2008  
Blogger Jude Hardin said...

The way I see it, every day I'm not back at The Swamp is a good day. ;)

2:05 PM, August 25, 2008  
Anonymous LaDonna said...

Wow, great Monday post! I believe we're all extraordinary too. I love Mark's affirmations, and the tossing to the Universe. How will THEY know what we want, if we don't tell them?

I've had several key "teachers" in my life, and each one was a blessing. It's important to read posts like this, to remind us that small kindnesses can lead to extraordinary. I believe.

2:17 PM, August 25, 2008  
Blogger Erica Orloff said...

Jude:
Nothing like setting your sights low. LOL!
E

3:39 PM, August 25, 2008  
Blogger Erica Orloff said...

ladonna:
It's good to remind ourselves we can encourage others--and remember the people who have encouraged us.
E

3:39 PM, August 25, 2008  
Blogger Kath Calarco said...

Congrats to Mark Terry. I hope to be able to feel what he does one day.

Throwing things out to the universe reminds me of one of the characters on "Dexter". He was always telling everyone to "let the universe know" and now I talk out loud to myself. I also gripe out loud, and for some reason good things happen then, too.

Growing up I had no mentors or other types telling me I could do it. I secretly wrote poetry, stashing it away for no one to see. It wasn't until I penned the first manuscript that someone finally told me I was good. Too bad it wasn't until I was 49, but hey, better late than never.

I just praise myself now. Oh, and telling people who matter you love them, I always do that. (And to those I hate I just throw them the old stink eye.)

P.S. I'm in love with David Sedaris.

5:16 PM, August 25, 2008  
Blogger Suzanne Perazzini said...

Oh Erica, you made me cry. You sure know how to use words. I read your blog while sitting at my crappy day job. But I handed in my notice yesterday and am moving forward.
Like you I expect nothing less than extraordinary from my son and neither does he. He knows who he is and what he's capable of and will fly - like your daughter. But wealth and fame don't enter my mind set either. Just happiness and fulfilment. He knows he is extraordinary. I swing from believing that about myself to thinking life stinks so thanks for your words.
And I will photograph my study and post it on my blog. Thanks for the idea.

5:56 PM, August 25, 2008  
Blogger Ewoh Nairb said...

I have never been the one to see the glass half-full, or be a positive thinker... and I do not know why. Many times it just felt hard-wired into my brain... like it was my default way of looking at life... that things may work out for other people but just not for me.

I know my teachers and my parents and my friends all tried and tried to straighten that out... but then I met my wife. She has done for me what no one else has ever done... got me to believe in myself, to believe that I make a difference, that I can have things work out.

so, I don't know if I had those encouraging words before - I may have, but I was never able to hear them. Now I can see and hear them. I still have the doubts, the fear and anxiety and the mistrust of the positive, but I think that they are becoming much less able to keep me from living my life than they used to. Hell, I would never have written the first draft of any novel before I had met her. And I would never have shared it with anyone without Erica's demand.

So, my life is extraordinary because of the people whom I have in it... and they are in my life because of who I am for them.

7:37 PM, August 25, 2008  
Blogger Erica Orloff said...

kath:
David Sedaris has quite a fan club. I feel like those who love his writing absolutely adore him! Not lukewarm.
E

7:58 PM, August 25, 2008  
Blogger Erica Orloff said...

Suzanne:
GOOD LUCK with leaving the day job. Oh, the places you'll go. :-)
E

7:59 PM, August 25, 2008  
Blogger Erica Orloff said...

ewoh:
You just gave me the warm-fuzzies.

Hugs,
E

7:59 PM, August 25, 2008  
Blogger spyscribbler said...

Oh! What a great post! I do always try to find something each student is great at, that they can identify with. (Usually in piano, evil me.) But at certain ages, kids crave to know who they are and what makes them different. And when you see them click with a certain composer or type of music or whatever, I think it helps to point out that they are special and different in this way.

11:17 PM, August 25, 2008  
Blogger Erica Orloff said...

spy:
I think we all crave to know we are a child of wonder . . . of something special. I bet you are a great teacher.
E

8:04 AM, August 26, 2008  
Blogger spyscribbler said...

No, unfortunately, just a teacher. I have a last raw nerve at times, too. :-)

10:18 AM, August 26, 2008  
Blogger Melanie Avila said...

Erica, your blog always lifts my spirits. Today you've got me thinking about my mom & a cousin, both of whom always encouraged me to pursue my writing. Hearing someone - especially an adult - say they think you're good does wonders for your self-esteem.

I love the comment about not having time for lukewarm relationships. I'm in the middle of one now and wondering if it's worth salvaging.

(sorry for the tardy comments. I was on vacation)

8:08 PM, August 31, 2008  

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