Chemistry 101

When I was 21, the person whose company I enjoyed most was a man named Kurt (or Curt--I can't remember), quite a bit older than I was. He worked as an exceutive vice president at an investment banking firm in the Twin Towers, was originally from Montcalir, New Jersey, and we were friends. He often took me out to dinner at places that I could never afford on an editor's salary, and we would talk for hours with no lull. Things got tricky around my birthday when Kurt decided he had enough with being "just friends." And the fact is, I was really young and didn't feel any chemistry.

Now that I am older and wiser, I miss him. When the Twin Towers fell, I combed the victims' names . . . and truthfully, I have no idea what happened to him. He stopped being my friend, and I am left with wondering . . .

Here's the other thing, I was REALLY young. And I am telling you that I agnonized over this "chemistry" thing. I didn't understand it. I WANTED to be madly in love with him. I wanted to like him as more than a friend. But I didn't. Oh, there were lots of reasons I suppose. In hindsight, I don't imagine we could ever talk politics. He was from "old money." The only thing old about any money we had was if it stayed in our pockets a while. But chemistry made no sense to me. You couldn't "will" it, could you?

Years passed. The people I had "chemistry" with were almost uniformly not good for me. And now--again older and wiser--I wonder about chemistry and do think it can be nurtured. Either that, or the things that I like in a person are much different--intelligence, decency, a sense of purpose, spirituality, belief in social justice, a sense of humor, can the man make a decent scrambled egg? My chemistry with women friends is similar . . . humor somehow edging out most of the other qualities.

As a writer, every time I put in a relationship (romantic or even close partnership), I'm looking to create "chemistry." For me, I "show" it through dialogue--finishing each other's thoughts, inside jokes (even if the reader doesn't quite get it yet).

So . . . your thoughts on chemistry? Can it be forced? What is on your chemical combustion list? How do you show it in writing? And if Kurt is somehow reading this . . . hi!