Shaking Fists at the Gods

All right . . . so let me tell you something.

My skull and eye finally feel better. My knee is a mess. A MESS! And today it gave out. As in, put my foot down, knee no longer worked. Then it came "back" from wherever it was it went. And I feel like an NFL football player with a trick knee. Hopefully, in my other life, I played for my Men in Blue, my GIANTS (who are still the CHAMPIONS until NEXT Superbowl). So the knee is going to be an issue thanks to my little adventure.

But I went to the allergist today. Who insists I carry FOUR Epi-pens with me at all times. "You are definitely going into anaphylactic shock on occasion, so inject yourself and call 9-1-1 as you're jamming it in your leg." And now to find out what's wrong.

So she looked at my arms. If you have never seen a Crohn's patient's arms, sometimes we look like a heroin addict. Mine used to be clear. Now they aren't--lots of scars and things and red marks. So she said, "I think your auto-immune system is shutting down." Hence the Crohn's arms. OK, fine. They have blood tests to see what's up. But in the MEANTIME, to avoid foods that may be triggering it, I did the scratch tests in the doctor's office.

Now, let me tell you something about having Crohn's disease. I have NO emotional relationship to food. No chocolate, no cake, no dessert, no NOTHING. No pizza. No Frito's. Nada. When you go, at times, on TPN (no food by mouth for a month at a time), you learn to not "love" food so much. But the ONE thing I love, I adore, I . . . look forward to . . . are my meals at my sushi haunts. I have lots of friends among the sushi chefs I know (as I said once, you have to eat a LOT of sushi to have the sushi chefs bring you GIFTS from Laos when they go home on holiday! I have bracelets, wedding dolls, and a gold picture of a temple). I love sushi and because I don't eat meat, I DO sometimes have tuna because it's protein, and I like it. It's not something I have every day. Maybe twice a month I get protein that way. The rest, I eat soy.

Allergic to tuna.

And lobster.

And trout (gross! I'd never eat trout).

And salmon.

In short, if I WERE to eat fish for protein, the ones I indulge in . . . allergic.

SO what collosal mind cluster f*ck are the gods pulling on me. The ONE food. The ONLY food I actually LOVE. Can't. Eat. Will. Kill. Me.

So I have decided it's a Buddhist thing. Lose ALL attachment. HENCE, there is now not ONE SINGLE food I love that I can have. None.

Except Neccos. I have documented my love for that candy here in entire blog posts!

Which brings me to the writing.

Sometimes . . . I don't care what you do for a living, what your hobby is, what your life is like, the gods mess with you.

For writers, their laptop blows up. They get a rejection letter on the day their wife files for divorce. I don't care what it is. It happens.

And it's up to you how to handle it.

So I give you a quote from Ayn Rand.

Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours. ~Ayn Rand

Anyone else feel like cursing the fates? Anyone else have a quote that reminds them . . . just get your ass up off the ground?

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